Coppertop

I have this friend. We’ll call him Rob, as that’s his name. Rob is a cool guy, and I love him to death, but he doesn’t visit this site so he won’t know about his story being on here.

Rob used to own a Honda Accord. It was a good little car, serving its purpose well of getting him to and from work, home and school. Now, I don’t know about your particular neck of the woods, but in our area Honda Accords are (or were, as this was several years ago) the number one most popular car to be stolen/broken into.

Rob, being a working college student at the time, never had a lot of money. You could tell this by the condition his car was perpetually in. The interior was littered with schoolbooks, newspapers, old coffee cups - the whole shebang. His car has been broken into numerous times. Enough times, in fact, that the weather seal on the driver’s door was damaged so bad that it made a rather annoying whistling sound as he drove down the highway. His stock speakers in the rear window had been stolen long ago and he now had some rinky dink two dollar speakers back there so he could rock out to The Doors. There was never anything of value inside of this car. His windows not being tinted, anyone who looked into it could see this. Somehow this never prevented people from fucking with his car.

Having had his car broken into so often, he had started to become rather paranoid about the whole deal. So much so, in fact, that he had decided to visit severe physical punishment to the next fellow unlucky enough to be caught in his car.

Late one night he’s asleep in bed when he half wakes up to hearing the family dog barking. Now, the family dog only barks when there’s someone around the house who doesn’t belong. Realizing this in his half conscious state, he peers through the blinds and lo and behold what does he see? The dome light of his car on and a person’s silhouette in it.

He springs from his bed and rushes to the front door. He flips on the porch light, opens the door and bursts outside ready to deliver his unholy wrath upon the poor unsuspecting would-be thief. At the top of his lungs he screams out “Hey!” only to realize at that very moment that no one was in his car.

His dome light was not on. His car was not being broken into at all.

What he saw from his window was his neighbor’s car, across the street. The neighbor had come home late from work and parked on the opposite side of the street from Rob’s car so that Rob’s car was directly between his car and Rob’s window.

Now, you may be wondering where the title of the story comes in. Well, as you may have guessed, Rob sleeps naked. Yes friends, Rob ran outside in all his naked glory to scream at the neighbor. Well, the startled neighbor looks up, and is startled again to see Rob and his wang out on the porch in the chill night air. The neighbor recovers, shakes his head, and goes inside. Rob, mortified, retreats into his house. Soon after, he makes the worst decision of his life and tells his friends about the incident.

But, all is well that ends well. From that night on, whenever the neighbor saw Rob around, he’d give him a smile and wave politely. Rob would always turn a shade paler and look for a hiding spot.

So there you have it, my naked neighbor story.