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I am sorry you are going through this.
I would bet my entire life savings that she was sleeping with this other guy. Since she separated with you, I can't call it cheating. You have to ask yourself whether or not this is the kind of person you want to spend your life with. On the same day that she is planning a wedding, she is also falling into temptation with another.
There is no kind of friendship that can't exist in the open arena of a significant other. Why hide all the time? I believe it is because there is something TO hide. Now, I know how difficult it is to pick up and move on. However, we aren't talking about a marriage here, we are talking about a bf/gf relationship with a wedding being planned. So, you should get out before it gets really expensive or there are children involved.
You have to consider that
1) she chose to separate from you. Does that sound like a good foundation to marry from?
2) she was withholding of information. If it is innocent, why hide it?
3) you don't tell friends you "want" them.
4) the sex-toy reference was NOT about you.
5) she wouldn't take your $8K because she was guilty about what she was doing behind your back.
As bad as it will suck, give yourself the best gift you could ever give yourself and set yourself free from the stress and the mistrust. I wouldn't feel too bad about the snooping. It wasn't irrational - you had signs and she was clearly trying to hide things from you. You were simply protecting your most valuable possession - you.
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