Arroe

Please excuse my long, boring post. You probably don't want to hear my problems but I need to let loose some stupid feelings.


For some reason my friends like to be complete assholes to me. I guess they think I don't really care because I ussually just laugh or something but what am I supposed to do? My group of friends are about 10 people; only 3 guys and 7 girls. I guess I play the part of the guy that everyone laughs at.

It pisses me off to no end and sometimes they'll be such asses I want to smack someone across the face but I don't want to make things worse for me. I know they probably don't mean to make me feel so upset but I don't think they know. I hang out with them every day and whenever I'm done hanging out with them I feel like shit. It's probably just normal high school drama (we're seniors), but sometimes when I'm driving home after hanging out with them I think about what if I just crashed, how would they feel then?

They call me things like awkward and shit because how the hell am I supposed to act when someone says some rude shit to me. I hate my stupid fucking nickname they gave me. I hate how they can't stop bitching and whining about every little thing. It's probably because they're all girls and think that our lives should be like fucking Laguna Beach (stupid gay show on MTV). Now when I hang out with them I don't even feel like talking anymore. I just sit there while they talk shit about me infront of me. One girl has noticed I am not right and has asked me if I'm ok but I just say i'm cool. My parents are mad because when I get home I walk straight to my room and bury my head in pillows or play my guitar.

I don't know why they treat me this way. I always go out of my way to be nice to everyone; I'll hold open the door, I'll spot them cash if they are out and I don't care if they never pay me back, I'll stick up for them whenever someone talks shit about them. I only wish that the saying "what goes around comes around" was worth a grain of salt, because I haven't had anyone say anything nice to me in weeks.

Sometimes I feel so shitty it feels like all the blood has drained from my head and legs and arms and I'll get shivering chills. I just want someone to tell my friends that they make me feel like crap and that they are not doing a good job of being friends.

I can't wait until I go to college and I can get away from all of this.