KellyC

OK. This might be a bit long and confusing, so bear with me please. I'll try to make as short and clear as possible.

I've been knowing this girl on the internet for about two months now. We really clicked with each other. We'd chat on AIM every day for the past two months, and every chat session, it lasts at least 5 hours. Shortly after our initial interaction (like a couple days), she began to have feelings for me and I do for her too. So we decided to meet each other, but we do it in a group to avoid any awkward feelings and plus, it's more fun that way I suppose.

So on the day that we're supposed to meet, I got into an accident. It's a small one, but big enough to prevent me from seeing her (I post a detailed account of that incident in my journal if any one is interested). So that first time seeing each other didn't work out, we tried to set up another one, but it failed again. Then a third one, and it also failed. So we decided to finally see each other after finals, when everything is out of the way.

While we wait for finals to be over, we continue to chat and explore each other. During which time, her feelings for me grew and mine for her too. But it's not all smooth and dandy like it's supposed to be. There are times when she'd get mad at me and stopped talking to me. During which time, all I could do is mope around the house and feel helpless. This is weird because I never acted or feel like this before when a girl is mad at me, I don't care, but this one I do. Which leads me to think I might be in love for the very first time. I wasn't sure about it though, so I hesitated to acknowledge it and tell her about it.

So eventually, she'd talk to me again, and me being so happy that she talks to me forget all about everything else and just talk to her. There's one time where we chat for 13 hours, that really made my feelings for her grow stronger and her likewise with me. But be that as it may, I still refuse to acknowledge that what I feel is love so I kept it to myself.

And while keeping it to myself, I continue to talk to her, and some how manages to hurt her. I really didn't want to, but it just happen. I remember one time where she'd cry for 2 days and didn't eat anything. She'd get so weak that she fainted in her school. When I know about it, it just breaks my heart.

I finally acknowledges that what I feel for her is love this past two weeks. And I told her, but the problem is, her feelings for me faded when she cried. So that kinda bums me out a little, but I'm determined to go after her now. So I kept talking to her and eventually, some of her feelings came back. But some how, I screwed up and well...shit happens. But I fixed it after that...

We eventually met last night. After two months of chatting on AIM and talking over the phone. We finally met. At first, it wasn't awkward per se, but there's a level of weirdness in it. She said she wanted to be friends because we kept on being "on and off" so much. That got me down, but I just kept talking. Eventually, one thing leads to another, we made out, first on the driver and passenger seat, then we moved back to the back seat of my car for more room. Best time of my life last night...

This morning, we're both happy because of what happen last night, the thought of being friends began to slip her mind. But as we kept talking, we get to some serious stuff and once again, I fucked up. She finally gets tired of this "on and off" feeling and told me to think what I really want then answer her in 4 hours. I really want to be with her, but like her, this feeling of being happy one moment and shitty the next is starting to wear me down. And this, being my first time in love, wanted desperately to make this work. But I don't know if it'll happen. And should it happen, is it the right choice?
I'm so confused right now...so any advice or comment is greatly appreciated...
I also apolgize for the poor grammar and for making so little sense. My mind is kinda dead right now from all the thinking so this is the best I can do. If any one need some clarifying about anything, please ask. I have about 3 hours to answer her.

Some additional info:
-She's 4 years older than me
-She has 3 BFs before me already, so she's quite experienced...and I'm not, so I screwed up.
-There are tons of other guys going after her as well, I know at least 10, which worries me.
-I'll be leaving for Vietnam in 1 week, she'll be going to Las Vegas and California at the same time. We won't see each other for at least 2 weeks. Not a good way to start a relationship don't you think?

__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.