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* Windows finally catches up to Mac OSX released in '99
* Fundamentalist Democrats bomb the Pat Robertson Presidential Library
* Watching movies and listening to music is outlawed by the RIAA
* Moe, Larry, and Curly (the clones of the original three stooges) killing rampage continues. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
* Friends 25 year reunion takes place at some homeless shlter in L.A. David Schwimmer still insists he was "on a brake."
* Dennis Miller dies of sarcasm induced stroke after watching O.J. Simpson marry Jessica Simpson
* Janet Reno wins UFC championchip
* Carrot top put to death by a world court for crimes against humanity
* Jesus returns only to get stuck in customs for 3 years because of anti-terrrorist security
* Tom Seleck is still the only man alive that doesn't look gay with a mustache
* Jay Z's space yacht crashes into his new 38,000 karot necklace. There were no survivors
* Jurassic Park opens without incodent
* Cylon and Garfunkle headline Woodstock '29 (think battlestar)
* Klingon Empire condems U.S. actions in the Middle East
* A national day of celebration was announced after Paris Hilton finally passes the 8th grade
* Haley Joel Osmond turns down the role to be the next James Bond
* Olson twins turn 43. Men still feel like creeps for thinking they are hot.
* Scientists finally discover conclusively that eggs are in fact good for you. Science is officially over.
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