Year 2029, News Headlines
* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally kown as California.
* Spotted owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.
* Baby conceved naturally....... scientists stumped.
* Couple petitions court to reinstate hetrosexual marriage.
* Last remaining fundamentalist muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).
* France pleads for global help after being over-run by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George Z. Bush says he will run for president in 2036.
* U.S. Postal service raises price of first class stamp to $17.98 and reduces mail deliverys to wensdays only.
* Government funded, 85-year, 75.8 billion study reveals that diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss.
* Average weight of americans drops to 275 lbs.
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they can now photograph a woman with her mouht shut.
* Massachusetts executes last remaining consertative.
* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 1st.
* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
* Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.
Feel free to add em if you got em.
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Rehab is for quitters.
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