ratbastid

Not married, are ya Stomp?

Here's how marriage works: if it's her problem, it's your problem. Because you stood in front of an altar or a justice of the peace and said so.

I have a little experience in this area, weebo. Others are dead-on. You have to discuss your boundaries ahead of time. Nobody said they had to be fair--you may be comfortable with her having intercourse with others and she may not be. There's no requirement that it be even or fair or that anybody be the bigger person.

I know you feel burned, like the rules changed on you, or you didn't know you were breaking the rules. Trust me on this: the rules changed and you didn't know you were breaking them. It works like that sometimes. You STILL have to apologize for breaking the rules, whether or not she apologizes for changing them.

If you limit the above practice to "how to handle yourself around group sex," then you're missing the boat. This is how MARRIAGE works. YOU are 100% responsible for how it goes. You don't get to hold out for her to take care of your relationship or your ego or for her to be the bigger person or to apologize first or ANYTHING like that, EVER. And, of course, she's 100% responsible for it too, and doesn't get to run any of that stuff back on you. That's what relationships look like when they're working--both people are 100% responsible for it. When they're not working, it's because somebody's only being 99% responsible for the relationship, and they're holding that 1% out against their partner.

(Incidentally, saying to your partner "You're not being 100% responsible for it" is just you not being 100% responsible for it.)