Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - please vote, between two pieces, which is best

amonkie · 12-08-2004, 10:55 PM

wow.... these are both very different - for the first one, the first seven stanzas seem to contrast with the rest of the poem - it made me wonder if maybe they'd be better off seperate? The second one is good, but to me, it felt awkward. If maybe every stanza started with "She _____" and then the rest was without, it might change the flow a little.

So to answer your question, I think the first one spoke to me more

Very lyrical, I kept finding a beat to fit the words. Nice job!

12-08-2004, 10:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	wow.... these are both very different - for the first one, the first seven stanzas seem to contrast with the rest of the poem - it made me wonder if maybe they'd be better off seperate? The second one is good, but to me, it felt awkward. If maybe every stanza started with "She _____" and then the rest was without, it might change the flow a little. So to answer your question, I think the first one spoke to me more Very lyrical, I kept finding a beat to fit the words. Nice job! __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna