please vote, between two pieces, which is best - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Strange Famous · 12-08-2004, 04:07 PM

edited - due to low quality

amonkie · 12-08-2004, 10:55 PM

wow.... these are both very different - for the first one, the first seven stanzas seem to contrast with the rest of the poem - it made me wonder if maybe they'd be better off seperate? The second one is good, but to me, it felt awkward. If maybe every stanza started with "She _____" and then the rest was without, it might change the flow a little.

So to answer your question, I think the first one spoke to me more

Very lyrical, I kept finding a beat to fit the words. Nice job!

12-08-2004, 04:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	please vote, between two pieces, which is best edited - due to low quality __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas Last edited by Strange Famous; 12-11-2004 at 04:44 AM..

12-08-2004, 10:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	wow.... these are both very different - for the first one, the first seven stanzas seem to contrast with the rest of the poem - it made me wonder if maybe they'd be better off seperate? The second one is good, but to me, it felt awkward. If maybe every stanza started with "She _____" and then the rest was without, it might change the flow a little. So to answer your question, I think the first one spoke to me more Very lyrical, I kept finding a beat to fit the words. Nice job! __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna