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Originally Posted by Janey
I do other things like shopping, going out for lunch, meeting friends without telling him. This is one more of those things. (i'm rationalizing) But I do not want him knowing that i am so slutty at the same time i need to have this sense of freedom.
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Sounds like you're having some issues with your roles/boundaries as a "conservative" Chinese woman, and your traditions and values. It is ok to branch out and be a little more "north american". It doesn't necessarily mean you're so slutty. You say yourself that you want more freedom, but is online anonymity really the way to do it or are you just compensating for a lack of intimacy with your husband? I don't know the dynamics in your relationship, or much about Asian relationships in general (though I'm asian, heh) but I do know that the woman tend to be very submissive and/or passive agressive. I don't understand why you would keep from telling your husband when you meet friends, go out and do things, etc. What is to be ashamed of? I myself struggle a bit with passive-aggressiveness but i've found that if you just say what you think a lot more, and share your feelings, things will be better. It's good to be open. Even with little things like "I want to go out to eat" or bigger things like "I want to please myself". I realize that might be a big step, but why would you rather please yourself with anonymous internet people if it's so private? Masturbating is a private act, just like sex, but you share sex... why not share that you masturbate or have thought of it? I know how girls, even in N. America, can be so secretive and shy about masturbation amongst their girl friends. When I finally admitted I did that with my friends (a subject we'd NEVER talk about) it was so liberating. I can only imagine the same thing with a partner.
Anyway, I hope you don't think i'm telling you what to do or pressuring you. You can take it or leave it. This is just my two cents.