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raeanna74 · 12-01-2004, 10:54 AM

You're wife should be going to regular well baby visits. She may also have a Dr visit for herself sometime around this time. I had a c-section so I had more visits after delivery but I think there's usually one around 6 mo or maybe even earlier. I'd first of all go with her to her next visit and bring it up at the Dr's.

Here's from my experience and it may or may not parallel hers: I wasn't interested in sex for a while after delivery because I was uncomfortable. I think my rejections of hubby sexually hurt him and he withdrew. I gained 60 lbs during gestation and consequently felt a blow to my body image. When hubby withdrew I attributed it to my sex appeal and not to hurt that he'd felt. I was wrapped up in caring for my child and felt "touched out" at the end of the day. When I finally started to get out away from my child things got better. The first time I left my baby with a sitter (mom-in-law in fact) I was nervous and couldn't stop thinking about my baby the whole time. I heard a child cry in the restaurant where we went and I responded by whipping around as if it was my child. Getting away and learning to separate from this helpless entity that I felt totally responsible gave me a chance to start focusing on myself, my body, and my husband. I began to get a little more interest in sex. I didn't want to talk about how "cranky" I was or anything like that because when hubby brought it up I felt like he wasn't being sympatetic to how I felt and was accusing me of being angry for no reason (even though I couldn't always think of a reason). I don't think I had postpartum depression because I ws generally happy but I was always responding to hubby in an antagonistic sort of way because of perceived hurts. He never intended to hurt me and I never intended to hurt him.

It's possible that your wife could have depression but it's also possible that she's just having a hard time adjusting to things. Things that could be affecting her mood are many.
1. Sleep: many new parents take at least 6 month's to where they're starting to get all the sleep they need at night.
2. Overwhelmed: a baby takes a lot of work and maintaining a household as well and in some cases even working outside the home can seem like impossible tasks and cause a lot of frustration.
3. Lowered self esteem: a body that's gone through the changes of pregnancy or child bearing is hard to get used to and hard to get back into shape. It took me about 1 1/2 years to completely get back to my prepregnancy weight.
4. Lack of Sex Drive: this can be affected by many of those above and by the changes in hormones in a female body after childbirth. This hormones are continueously affected if the mother breastfeeds.
5. Touched Out: When a mother is caring for a baby all day she is giving "loving touches" and trying to comfort by touch a lot. If she breastfeeds she has the baby very close to her a lot of the day. Even if she's bottle feeding she's HOLDING the baby. This touch almost overloaded my desire for any touch and it's common for mother's to be tired of being touched.

Ways that you can help her.
1. Give her time off. Promise to take the baby and encourage her to go do something at home or outside the home that she enjoys. If she wants to stay home and sleep then take the baby on a walk or something. Give her a few minutes every day and she'll eventually learn to focus on her self once again. When she does that she may start having "time" for you and your relationship with her.
2. DON"T push her for sex but let her know that you still think she's attractive. Give her a small backrub without any strings attached. Bring her tea without asking for a kiss. When you start doing things like this it shows her that you are interested in HER - not just SEX.
3. Do what you can to help her get the sleep she needs at night.
4. Go for walks, go out on a date (with no mention of sex that night - let her initiate it) and just go to sleep curled up together.

It will take time - you can't FIX her. She's gone through an experience that many women find defining. After my daughter was born I tended to think of myself in terms of how ABLE I was to give birth to a child. The fact that I'd had to have an emergency C-section made me feel a little inadequate even. It takes a long time to work through the thoughts an emotions that a new baby can cause.

Kudos to you for caring enough to try to help her. Just let her know you love her and let HER decide when to talk to you about it.

I hope this all helps and makes sense.

12-01-2004, 10:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	You're wife should be going to regular well baby visits. She may also have a Dr visit for herself sometime around this time. I had a c-section so I had more visits after delivery but I think there's usually one around 6 mo or maybe even earlier. I'd first of all go with her to her next visit and bring it up at the Dr's. Here's from my experience and it may or may not parallel hers: I wasn't interested in sex for a while after delivery because I was uncomfortable. I think my rejections of hubby sexually hurt him and he withdrew. I gained 60 lbs during gestation and consequently felt a blow to my body image. When hubby withdrew I attributed it to my sex appeal and not to hurt that he'd felt. I was wrapped up in caring for my child and felt "touched out" at the end of the day. When I finally started to get out away from my child things got better. The first time I left my baby with a sitter (mom-in-law in fact) I was nervous and couldn't stop thinking about my baby the whole time. I heard a child cry in the restaurant where we went and I responded by whipping around as if it was my child. Getting away and learning to separate from this helpless entity that I felt totally responsible gave me a chance to start focusing on myself, my body, and my husband. I began to get a little more interest in sex. I didn't want to talk about how "cranky" I was or anything like that because when hubby brought it up I felt like he wasn't being sympatetic to how I felt and was accusing me of being angry for no reason (even though I couldn't always think of a reason). I don't think I had postpartum depression because I ws generally happy but I was always responding to hubby in an antagonistic sort of way because of perceived hurts. He never intended to hurt me and I never intended to hurt him. It's possible that your wife could have depression but it's also possible that she's just having a hard time adjusting to things. Things that could be affecting her mood are many. 1. Sleep: many new parents take at least 6 month's to where they're starting to get all the sleep they need at night. 2. Overwhelmed: a baby takes a lot of work and maintaining a household as well and in some cases even working outside the home can seem like impossible tasks and cause a lot of frustration. 3. Lowered self esteem: a body that's gone through the changes of pregnancy or child bearing is hard to get used to and hard to get back into shape. It took me about 1 1/2 years to completely get back to my prepregnancy weight. 4. Lack of Sex Drive: this can be affected by many of those above and by the changes in hormones in a female body after childbirth. This hormones are continueously affected if the mother breastfeeds. 5. Touched Out: When a mother is caring for a baby all day she is giving "loving touches" and trying to comfort by touch a lot. If she breastfeeds she has the baby very close to her a lot of the day. Even if she's bottle feeding she's HOLDING the baby. This touch almost overloaded my desire for any touch and it's common for mother's to be tired of being touched. Ways that you can help her. 1. Give her time off. Promise to take the baby and encourage her to go do something at home or outside the home that she enjoys. If she wants to stay home and sleep then take the baby on a walk or something. Give her a few minutes every day and she'll eventually learn to focus on her self once again. When she does that she may start having "time" for you and your relationship with her. 2. DON"T push her for sex but let her know that you still think she's attractive. Give her a small backrub without any strings attached. Bring her tea without asking for a kiss. When you start doing things like this it shows her that you are interested in HER - not just SEX. 3. Do what you can to help her get the sleep she needs at night. 4. Go for walks, go out on a date (with no mention of sex that night - let her initiate it) and just go to sleep curled up together. It will take time - you can't FIX her. She's gone through an experience that many women find defining. After my daughter was born I tended to think of myself in terms of how ABLE I was to give birth to a child. The fact that I'd had to have an emergency C-section made me feel a little inadequate even. It takes a long time to work through the thoughts an emotions that a new baby can cause. Kudos to you for caring enough to try to help her. Just let her know you love her and let HER decide when to talk to you about it. I hope this all helps and makes sense. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.