Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

guy44 · 11-30-2004, 09:21 PM

OK, I've spent time in Britain and I love the country...nation...group of nations...whatever the hell it is. I hate Bush too. But in the interests of retaliatory tactics:

This just in:

Tony Blair, after being asked real nice-like by President Bush, agreed to change the name of the United Kingdom to American United Kingdom. Everyone from Scotland, England, Wales, and both Irelands will immediately be banned from uttering the word "brilliant" again. Glossy mags are to be referred to as "bathroom reading." The Darkness will be officially declared awful, giving the Brits a 15 year head start on this epiphany. Roundabouts will be demolished for the good of mankind.

There will be a one year deadline to switch to driving on the correct side of the road. John Cleese will be mandated by law to make another 12 episodes of Fawlty Towers. BBC 4 will be limited to 3 home construction/renovation shows a day. The remnants of the paramilitary groups in Northern Ireland will be warned to quit any and all activity under penalty of introducing the islands to country music.

The Streets will be forced to sing or get off the pot. The House of Lords will be abolished already. Citizens of the UK will no longer be allowed to refer to the rest of Europe as "Europe." British movie theaters will immediately cease running ads before the movie starts insinuating that bootlegging movies aids terrorism.

Cricket will be ruled illegal, punishable by forced NASCAR viewings. The Liberal Democrats will be given all seats at any level of government afforded to the BNP, because they're Nazis. We're giving Hugh Grant back.

Judy Dench is to retire from the stage and theater after her excellent run in All's Well ends, and will spend the rest of her life as the new Queen. Charles, Henry and gang will work for a living. The National Rail will get their shit together and stop crashing, or we'll send Amtrack execs to ruin your lives.

Lastly, as a gesture of goodwill, the UK will give the U.S. the Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and David Beckham (it's for your own good) in exchange for Eminem, John Rocker and Pat Robertson.

11-30-2004, 09:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
guy44 Somnabulist Location: corner of No and Where	OK, I've spent time in Britain and I love the country...nation...group of nations...whatever the hell it is. I hate Bush too. But in the interests of retaliatory tactics: This just in: Tony Blair, after being asked real nice-like by President Bush, agreed to change the name of the United Kingdom to American United Kingdom. Everyone from Scotland, England, Wales, and both Irelands will immediately be banned from uttering the word "brilliant" again. Glossy mags are to be referred to as "bathroom reading." The Darkness will be officially declared awful, giving the Brits a 15 year head start on this epiphany. Roundabouts will be demolished for the good of mankind. There will be a one year deadline to switch to driving on the correct side of the road. John Cleese will be mandated by law to make another 12 episodes of Fawlty Towers. BBC 4 will be limited to 3 home construction/renovation shows a day. The remnants of the paramilitary groups in Northern Ireland will be warned to quit any and all activity under penalty of introducing the islands to country music. The Streets will be forced to sing or get off the pot. The House of Lords will be abolished already. Citizens of the UK will no longer be allowed to refer to the rest of Europe as "Europe." British movie theaters will immediately cease running ads before the movie starts insinuating that bootlegging movies aids terrorism. Cricket will be ruled illegal, punishable by forced NASCAR viewings. The Liberal Democrats will be given all seats at any level of government afforded to the BNP, because they're Nazis. We're giving Hugh Grant back. Judy Dench is to retire from the stage and theater after her excellent run in All's Well ends, and will spend the rest of her life as the new Queen. Charles, Henry and gang will work for a living. The National Rail will get their shit together and stop crashing, or we'll send Amtrack execs to ruin your lives. Lastly, as a gesture of goodwill, the UK will give the U.S. the Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and David Beckham (it's for your own good) in exchange for Eminem, John Rocker and Pat Robertson. __________________ "You have reached Ritual Sacrifice. For goats press one, or say 'goats.'"