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Originally Posted by adam
Sounds like y'all need to spend some time apart. Are there mitigating factors that explain why she didn't hold up her end? (e.g., depression?) Or do you think she was trying to take advantage of you? Or...
Anyhow, I wish you both the best of luck.
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There are definitely mitigating factors. She has had depression in the past and there has been a lot of stress at times but it certainly wasn't a constant thing. She (and I) have been through a lot both together and in our separate lives and really thought we were through the worst of it.
FWIW, I listed mostly menial things that in and of themselves don't mean much. Sure, not helping out with everyday chores sucks but it went beyond that when it was obvious (both unmissable by observation and my point blank statements that I can not continue to do everything) that I was being hurt by her lack of help in the situation. I guess I've been putting some distance between us lately because of it. She was being very uncaring in her actions and words lately with obvious bitterness behind them. Perhaps she was picking up on my growing unhappiness, but I put it on the fact that she had a follow up doctor's appointment to insure there was no recurrence in the tumor and she was really nervous about it (no doubt that was a part of it but not all of it). The doctor's appointment came and went (all good news) and the attitude remained.
I don't believe she was trying to take advantage of me, I think she just doesn't know how to act in a "normal" relationship. She's made very bad choices in the past from gang members to abusers with a couple of decent guys thrown in.
At this point it just seems that our paths haven't crossed correctly. Maybe we will still work it out (I really hope that's the case) but maybe not. She may just need to be on her own for a while to know and care about herself enough to be able to know and care about someone else in a relationship. Hope that doesn't come across as harsh, but I think that's what it's all about. I have no doubt she will make an excellent mother and wife, I just hope that she continues on the path she's gotten on in the last few years even if we break up.
She's accomplished more than I think she ever thought she could in the last few years. Hopefully that will continue and she'll achieve everything I know she's capable of.
Thanks all for listening and offering advice it is much appreciated.