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Prereviews (five star integer rating system):
Doom - will mirror Resident Evil in plot, character, and CGI development, but won't have Mila Jovovich [negative two stars]
Seriously Dude, Where's My Car? - I haven't seen the first, but this one is guaranteed to suck [negative three stars]
Rocky VI - Stallone is not a very good actor, he's getting old, and he was in one of the Spy Kids movies [negative five stars]
Rambo 4 - will possibly get back to the roots of bloody 80s action movies, but will still suck by "normal" standards [zero stars]
The 40 Year Old Virgin - Michael Moore's autobiography? Looks like it may have potential [two stars]
3001 - Luke Wilson is pretty awesome, and comedies with dumb people are normally pretty amusing [three stars]
21 Jump Street - hopefully they won't screw this up somehow, which they have a 47.265% chance of doing [three stars]
The A-Team - Mister T is funny to make fun of, but that's about it, and this movie is based on one of the worst shows in history. Luckily, this movie might be SO bad that it's unintentionally a laugh riot [two stars]
Back To School - I've seen enough of this kind of movie to know that it will suck. Cedric the Entertainer is amusing, but he picks some SHITTY roles [negative three stars]
Unleashed - Jet Li: awesome. Fighting: awesome. Dark films: awesome. [five stars]
28 Weeks Later - the name reminds me of 9 1/2 weeks, but this will have much less sex (unless it's zombie sex, which would be hilarious, but it won't have that) [ negative one star]
The Alchemist - Lawrence Fishbourne is an incredible film-type-dude, and with his consistent involvement in the important dimensions of this film, it should be a good one [five stars]
Alien 5 - I'm being naively optimistic here, but I'm hoping this will break the curse of the Alien movies getting progressively crappier after Aliens (although Alien Ressurection was really better than Alien 3, that was a fluke, and better than a giant steaming pile of crap isn't saying much) [four stars]
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