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Originally Posted by billege
Control and Insecurity together, I think.
You're not living together, you're not married. The words "none of his fucking business" come to mind.
If you ain't married, and you ain't living together (thus sharing expenses) is ain't "OUR" money, no way, no fucking how. The fact that he says "we don't have the money" confuses me. There's no monetary "we" in you situation. There's to people who do shit together. Paying for things gets decided each time you spend.
Tell homie to chill the fuck out, or fuck off.
But seriously, my wife didn't need me to tell her shit about her money when we were dating. It never occured to me to tell her either. THe only time I'd even question her spending was the occasion where she'd be ready to buy something expesnive (dinner maybe) for us, or a birthday present for me that was pricey. At that point I'd ask, "are you sure that's okay?" If she said yes, that's the end of the discussion.
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You don't know their situation. So, to give any accurrate advice, she would have to be more detailed about the situation. As much as you want to believe she can just tell the guy to fuck off that may not be the answer. I pay for my girlfriend's food, help her out with car expenses, and help her out with school books. When I'm having to help her out all the time and then she spends her money buying items for other people(such as her family that does not even support her), it tends to frustrate me. If the situation is the same for this couple, how can you blame him?
Your answer may be, "Well, she isn't asking him to buy it." Well, maybe not. But, in my case I feel many obligations because I love my girlfriend. Therefore, I want to help her out when it's something she REALLY needs. I couldn't imagine telling her, "You'll have to do without food today because you're spending bad." And again, it can be very frustrating especially if the guy feels that he is being taken a little advantage of.
Also, I had a friend that was down on his luck. I loaned him some money because he said he could not afford to pay his rent. Next thing I know, he spent $3,000 on his girl for Christmas. Did he ask me to help him? Not directly. Did he spend his own money to buy christmas presents? I think so. But, I still think that was very shitty of him. In fact, I felt a little taken advantage of.
That may be the issue here. So, thats why you can't address the issue as just "Fuck off, it's my money." It may have a much deeper affect.
Finally, the guy may have a problem himself. In the past, I've been really disappointed with my girlfriend's spending. It wasn't because I did not want her to be happy and be able to enjoy her money. It's because I knew she was saving for bigger things. Things she really needed(such as a car for transportation) and wanted. It's not always just a control issue. Many times it's just concern that the person you love may have to suffer from a poor decision rather than a control or selfish issue. People make bad decisions, thats true. But, it doesn't make you feel any better.