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Originally Posted by dksuddeth
Heres my situation, any advice is appreciated.
I'm a stepfather to a 15 year old girl and a 13 year old boy. Their mother is physically limited due to illnesses, mainly lupus. I'm the only bread winner in the house so I work full time. Their grades in school suck because they don't like hard work. They do any chore in the house half assed because they don't like hard work. They even chose to live with their father for 3 years because they didn't want to have to deal with my rules when their mother got really sick. Now they have been back for just 6 months and already the household atmosphere is an unhappy one again. I've yelled, bribed with allowance, grounded, and taken away just about everything fun they could possibly do. Last nite was just about the final straw so now I've limited their lives to school, their bedroom (no music, tv, games, etc), and the bathroom. They are not allowed out of their rooms except mealtimes, schooltimes, and using the bathroom. I've removed all responsibility from them except their schoolwork and the warning that they no longer have an excuse for bad grades since all they are allowed to do is study schoolwork. I've now had to become responsible for most of the housework as well as making the money.
I'm two seconds away from sending them to boarding school to get rid of them. I'm fresh out of ideas so any thoughts are appreciated.
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How long have you been their stepfather? Have you considered the possibility that they don't do what you tell them to do out of resentment for the relationship that exists between you? They might not be doing as they're told because you - someone they might not view as their real father - is telling them to do it. If this is the case and you're dealing with children who rebelliously refuse your wishes you'll probably have a number of other problems when they get older.
But if that isn't the case (and I hope it's not), are you sure they understand the consequences of their actions? As a child I never did my homework on time, I did my chores half assed, and I barely got anything done on time because "I didn't feel like it" and didn't fully understand the consequences to my actions. My parents didn't know how to get to the root of the problem, chalked it up to general laziness, added on the punishment, and it only lead to resentment and eventual rebellion.
Good luck and thank god for people like you who are willing to take on such a difficult task in and uncomfortable situation.