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Implant a device withing their cranium that forces feeds of Jackie Collins' books on audiotape read at full scream by Carrot Top and another device that overrides their optic nerves at random intervals with images of a nude Marlon Brando (post Godfather years) rubbing margarine all over Carnie Wilson (pre gastric bypass).
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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses
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