Charlatan

I was speaking with a good friend yesterday, over a beer and he was looking for some advice. I gave him some but have been turning it over in my mind since and was wondering if I gave him the rights advice... When in doubt, turn to the folks at TFP.

Here is my friend's problem:

When fixing his wife's computer the other day, he came upon some files that contained correspondence between his wife and her best friend. Most of it was mundane... However, he came across a passage where his wife described that she was dreaming and fantasizing about a guy that she knew years ago. She explained that she had been thinking about him, dreaming about him... Wanting to call him, contact him and let him know that she was thinking about him.

Her friend suggested this wasn't a problem as it was just a fantasy and didn't cross the line to cheating... like she had done with "what's his name".

She then said that it was actually pretty bad because while she hadn't written with her fantasy man for a couple of months she also had never told her fantasy man that she has been married for several years and has kids.

Here is my friend's problem.

1) He shouldn't have been reading her private letters
2) "life she had done with 'what's his name'"... clearly an indication that she has cheated, physically in the past.
3) His wife is having contact and vivid fantasies about another man... a real man that she has known for some time and yet has not told that she is married or has kids.

His first reation was devestation and heart break.
His second was to be level headed about it. Fantasies and even the cheating he could get over... but the fact that she hasn't told this guy about her marriage or kids was too much.

He feels like she has kept an escape hatch for their marriage, that she has belittled their family. He isn't sure what he should do.

My advice to him was that he should talk to her. Tell her what he read and let her know how it made him feel. Let her explain her actions and react based on what she has to say as an explaination. Definately that he shouldn't go in guns ablazing. I told him to take a week and calm down before he does anything...


Since I gave him that bit of advice I've been turning it over and over in my head. It is all well and good to give calm rational advice when it isn't happening to you, I'm not sure how I would deal with something like this if it happened to me...

So I throw it out to the TFP... what would your advice be?

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke