Quote:
I don't ever want to get over it.
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I read your post and while I can't argue with a lot of it because that's how you feel right now and who am I to tell you how to feel....BUT
That above stuck out to me a lot. To say you don't think you'll ever get over it is one thing...but to say you DON'T want to get over it says you have given up. It's ok to take time to heal but you owe it to yourself to allow life to work itself out.
Saying you don't want to heal is like if your friend broke your arm you continuely refracture it so the betrayal will be fresh everyday through the pain you are feeling.
At a point it no longer is about what your friend has done to you it's about what you are doing to yourself. All I ask is that you don't actively reject love if it comes it comes if not it doesn't. If you no longer want to seek it fine but if it finds you don't turn your back on it. Because I can't think of a worse fate than on your death bed thinking back on your life and what could have been and being saddened by it because of a choice you made in your 20s and never let yourself back away from that choice.
Good luck man and may things work out for you be it with a woman that will reciprocate your love or by yourself with no regrets.