You don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam.
You don't need to say "I Love You",
Or "Here's Fifty Dollars, Ma'am."
Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers
And a wanker or a muff.
'Cause everybody's doin' it,
All across the land
Masturbators Of America,
Give Yourselves A Hand!
It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it
Ask your parents how it's done.
'Cause everybody's doin' it,
And boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America,
Give Yourselves a Hand!
You can rub it with some lotion
You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Schwartzenegger pounds it,
Michael Jackson jacks it off.
Your attitude will soften,
Your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America,
Give Yourself a Hand!
