lurkette

Forgive my bluntness, but bullshit! You're not hard-wired to be anxious about this, and it's not something that you can't overcome. You absolutely have the capacity for relaxation and enjoyment, you just have some pretty strong psychological barriers in place. And you're impatient.

er...What are you talking about, then? Pills (herbal or pharmaceutical) are pretty much drugs.

This is beside the point.

Listen, dude. As you point out, your problem is probably not physical - you're able to get off on your own - so it's gotta be psychological. And unfortunately there's no quick-fix pill for "make me quit thinking sex is dirty and while you're at it make my girlfriend sexually generous."

I'd suggest taking some of the pressure off. You're all "hurry up I gotta be okay nownownownow," but it sounds like you guys have some issues you need to work out first. How about taking sex completely off the table for a little while? Remove the pressure, remove the expectations, remove the stress, and just spend time with each other. When bedtime rolls around, either things happen, or they don't. If they don't, just go to sleep!

Meantime, you work on getting over the whole "I respect her too much" baloney, and decide whether you really want to be with someone who does treat you kind of badly, from what I've seen here. Although, some of what you describe could just be her responding to the immense pressure you're putting on yourself and, I assume, on her, to make this work. Could be she's just tired of dealing with it and just wants to spend time with you not thinking about how to fix this. Hence my suggestion above.

Good luck!

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