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What sort of birth control is she on? Different sorts can affect libido in different ways. It sounds like you guys can't change to condoms because she has those "stomach and hormonal problems", so that's out.
Does she masturbate? Apologies for the blunt question, but if she does then she knows what she likes and where her 'spots' are, and she's got to communicate them to you. Not by sitting you down and saying 'Here, here, and here', but when you guys are in the bed, then she has to guide you and help you turn her on. I wouldn't say she's just laying back and expecting you to do all the work, because you say she's as kinky as you are, but perhaps she's so into trying things that might work for the both you, instead of telling you what works for her alone, and incorporating you into it.
If she doesn't masturbate then it's a hundred times more difficult. If she doesn't know what turns her on and what works for her then I think it's going to be pretty tough for the both of you to find things that work
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