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I feel your pain, I have 3 daughters 20, 18, 15. Now for the harsh part, statisticly you know that girls who do not have a strong father figure in the house are attracted to older boys/men and are far more likely to have sex with them shortly after puberty. I am not sure what role you played in her life in the past 10 years but it sounds as though it was minimal (correct me if I am wrong) so you have must take some blame here. That said it time to stop parenting and start guiding. You need to make a decision whether you want a relationship with your daughter/grandson and boyfriend or not.
If so - suck it up and apologize to your daughter for not being there for her and accept some blame. Take the boyfriend out to a ballgame without your daughter, find out what he is about and what his intentions are. Treat them as you would neighbors asking you for you opinion on things. No more controlling. (this will not be easy to do)
If not - wash your hands of this and accept the fact that soon she will be 18 and there is a good chance you will have little contact with this family as they move forward in their lives.
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