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Rlyss · 09-20-2004, 12:56 AM

I've never been married, and I'm only 20, but I hope you still take what I say into consideration.

While your feelings with this other woman are probably fairly real, I think you are probably making them into something they're not. You probably don't love this woman, but you let yourself think that you are. It's like people who pine after their ex-partners after years and years. They conveniently forget the bad things, and the reasons they broke up in the first place, and only remember the good things. They remain in love only partly with the person, but mostly with someone that they create in their imagination.

You're married, and you've said that you still love your wife. Don't let yourself fall for anyone else, whether real or created. You spend a lot of time apart from your wife and your son, that's probably why he's acting up! He never sees his dad. And you don't spend enough time with your wife, that's why you don't think you can speak to her about some things. What are those thing you can't talk to her about, and why is it you can't? Is it because your views differ and cause tension (religious, political, sexual topics?), or that you just haven't tried, because you've convinced yourself that this new woman is the only one you can talk to? I think in lots of cases people cheat because they let themselves believe that the new person is special, and is 'the only one', and that the current partner must be kept in the dark.

Your son is twelve years old. He's going to be a young man soon. Sometimes difficult become even more difficult teenagers, but sometimes difficult kids quickly turn into very mature, level-headed young adults. You haven't complained about your wife except to say that you can't talk to her, so I'm sure you're still in love with her. I'd say breaking it off with this new woman, possibly a slight job change or a shift to a position closer to home, and being there for your son, strengthening your relationship with your family, is a VERY small price to pay, and is a much, MUCH better move than risking it all by chasing after someone who may not be who you think they are.

Next time you see this woman, tell her you aren't in love with her, and that you might want to remain colleagues, but not lovers or best friends. See if you can get a more permanent position near your home, which involves less travelling, and be a great husband, and a great dad. Chasing after this new woman will do far more harm than good.

I sincerely hope I haven't trivialized your feelings towards this woman, or suggested that she is immoral. I just think that you're looking for a great woman, but you've probably got that, and a great son, back at home.

09-20-2004, 12:56 AM	#4 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	I've never been married, and I'm only 20, but I hope you still take what I say into consideration. While your feelings with this other woman are probably fairly real, I think you are probably making them into something they're not. You probably don't love this woman, but you let yourself think that you are. It's like people who pine after their ex-partners after years and years. They conveniently forget the bad things, and the reasons they broke up in the first place, and only remember the good things. They remain in love only partly with the person, but mostly with someone that they create in their imagination. You're married, and you've said that you still love your wife. Don't let yourself fall for anyone else, whether real or created. You spend a lot of time apart from your wife and your son, that's probably why he's acting up! He never sees his dad. And you don't spend enough time with your wife, that's why you don't think you can speak to her about some things. What are those thing you can't talk to her about, and why is it you can't? Is it because your views differ and cause tension (religious, political, sexual topics?), or that you just haven't tried, because you've convinced yourself that this new woman is the only one you can talk to? I think in lots of cases people cheat because they let themselves believe that the new person is special, and is 'the only one', and that the current partner must be kept in the dark. Your son is twelve years old. He's going to be a young man soon. Sometimes difficult become even more difficult teenagers, but sometimes difficult kids quickly turn into very mature, level-headed young adults. You haven't complained about your wife except to say that you can't talk to her, so I'm sure you're still in love with her. I'd say breaking it off with this new woman, possibly a slight job change or a shift to a position closer to home, and being there for your son, strengthening your relationship with your family, is a VERY small price to pay, and is a much, MUCH better move than risking it all by chasing after someone who may not be who you think they are. Next time you see this woman, tell her you aren't in love with her, and that you might want to remain colleagues, but not lovers or best friends. See if you can get a more permanent position near your home, which involves less travelling, and be a great husband, and a great dad. Chasing after this new woman will do far more harm than good. I sincerely hope I haven't trivialized your feelings towards this woman, or suggested that she is immoral. I just think that you're looking for a great woman, but you've probably got that, and a great son, back at home.