I survived the day-barely. Popped a few St. John's Wort to help calm the nerves. I went to the card store but nothing for anniversaries that say 'leave me alone'. So, I wrote a letter. It stated, more or less, that I was not sure what I was going through, but I have a lot of anger that was causing my physical ailments and I gave up playing his game-I don't want sex from him. I said that we can't debate anything without it turning into yelling and accusations. I also said that I don't know what the future holds for us, right now I am just numb, and his treatment of our son makes me cringe. I ended it by saying don't ask me if i still love him, sometimes I wonder why the hell I'm married, but there are moments I feel 25 again. There has been no mention of this letter-kind of thankful for that as I am not ready to discuss anything quite yet. It was gone when i awoke this morning, and he did come to our room to say goodbye before work, so I guess it wasn't too harsh. But he knew I was in no mood for a celebration and that suits me fine.Just a few more hurdles to go....my b-day, christmas, kids' b-day....luckily they're a bit close together-october thru march...time marches on.
Thanks again to everyone-you have been terrific and I have taken everything you've said to heart.
