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Originally Posted by Redgirl
Since it seems a foregone conclusion that you're going to leave him the best thing you can do is start planning. Open a bank account he doesn't know about and start socking away a little money here and there if you can. Just taking a step like that can make all the other steps go easier.
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I was thinking along this line too. Only thing about this is IF he found out about the account in any way. Of if his lawyer found out about it they could still take the money out. I've heard of this happening before. ANYTHING in your name belongs to him if it was bought or opened while you are married. Personally I would suggest socking the money away into a VERY good hiding place that leaves no paper trail. Maybe at a trustworthy friends house, in a lockbox at work, or in an envelope taped underneath the top or your dresser. Get creative anyway. Also if they found out about the account but weren't able to drain it before you did they could claim that as money that you don't need from him and it could potentially reduce the amount alimony you can recieve.
I would also suggest that if you don't have a job start looking. Get your ducks in order quietly before you go.
It sounds like his behavior is abusive. I don't want to sound like I'm overreacting. Withholding sex, putdowns, using the children to belittle, those tactics are abusive. Everyone probably does one of those things once but to do it repeatedly and more than one negative behavior regularly is abusive. You don't want your kids to learn this. You don't want your girl to expect that from another man or your boys to expect a woman to respond to that kind of treatment. It is better for them that you don't stick around.
Weave yourself a security net first. A friend to go to, money to help you at least feed yourself...Whatever you fear not having. Get yourself some counseling too to help you deal with the emotions and plan to keep you and your kids safe.
I wish you the best. Hugs.