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Well, my first idea is DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH!!! Really. The more you obsess about this the more likely it is to happen. You'll hear this over and over, but it happens to every guy. I've lost a hard on in the middle of sex. Was kind of a bummer, but I went on to other things and still had fun, no big deal. On the rare times when hard ons are lost, I know that it's not a permanant condition, that I'll get a hard on again. As you get older your ability to maintain a hard on will probably decrease, it's one of those stupid parts of how your body is built, so get used to it, learn to perform in other ways. That's just part of being good in bed, being adaptable.
Second, work on self esteem that isn't attached to your sexual performance. It sounds like one of the reasons you're making such a big deal about this is because a big part of what you think of yourself is tied up in your penis. This is trouble. Your erection does not define you as a person.
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