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ngdawg · 09-08-2004, 10:40 PM

This is really hard to do, but I don't have too many alternatives and can't talk to family about it. Please don't make judgements. But I would like some input from anyone who has been through this. So, here goes...
Next week is my 25th wedding anniversary and I don't want to be married any more. People change and not always for the better. Games were played that hurt me and he has gotten nastier as he's gotten older. This last game has lasted for a year and a half-he is withholding sex so that I will ask for it. He did it before. He treats me as if I'm stupid, I get no support or respect and when we argue, he includes the kids by making comments to them about my behavior.
As for me, I have not been fair or good to him either. I take off on small trips to be with my friends to get away from him. I had 2 affairs. I am in love with someone else as well as all of this.
The problems that make me stay are 2fold. First, financial. I can not support myself or my kids right now, but I am trying to find a decent job, without much luck so far. And we have a lot of debt. Second and major problem is the kids-they adore their father and they are his world. I can't bear to seperate them from him, but the longer I stay, the more resentful i become.
We get along as friends most of the time. Talking is superficial, never of any depth or philosophies. Innocuous comments from me beget nasty replies too many times to bother having deep conversation. He talks about going here or there next vacation and i cringe at the thought.
I want out so badly and I can't see it except through death.
I keep thinking, will my kids hate me or do they see this? Where could I go? Do I wait it out til he gets disgusted? He swore he'd never leave and I believe it-I think he'd stay around even if he found someone else, which I truly wish he would.
Someone loves me so much, he always tells me how much he misses me and I feel the same way. He is supportive and encouraging and guiding. He makes me giggle and I do the same with him. We know each other's moods and we both get some bad ones, but can calm each other down. I don't want to marry ever again, but it's nice to have someone on my side instead of jabbing it.
Sorry if this is a bit rambly. I am so confused as to what to do at this point and so unhappy that it's dragged out this long-I should have been gone 2-3 years ago, but it's hard with no outside support to make that decision.

09-08-2004, 10:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	At my wit's end.... This is really hard to do, but I don't have too many alternatives and can't talk to family about it. Please don't make judgements. But I would like some input from anyone who has been through this. So, here goes... Next week is my 25th wedding anniversary and I don't want to be married any more. People change and not always for the better. Games were played that hurt me and he has gotten nastier as he's gotten older. This last game has lasted for a year and a half-he is withholding sex so that I will ask for it. He did it before. He treats me as if I'm stupid, I get no support or respect and when we argue, he includes the kids by making comments to them about my behavior. As for me, I have not been fair or good to him either. I take off on small trips to be with my friends to get away from him. I had 2 affairs. I am in love with someone else as well as all of this. The problems that make me stay are 2fold. First, financial. I can not support myself or my kids right now, but I am trying to find a decent job, without much luck so far. And we have a lot of debt. Second and major problem is the kids-they adore their father and they are his world. I can't bear to seperate them from him, but the longer I stay, the more resentful i become. We get along as friends most of the time. Talking is superficial, never of any depth or philosophies. Innocuous comments from me beget nasty replies too many times to bother having deep conversation. He talks about going here or there next vacation and i cringe at the thought. I want out so badly and I can't see it except through death. I keep thinking, will my kids hate me or do they see this? Where could I go? Do I wait it out til he gets disgusted? He swore he'd never leave and I believe it-I think he'd stay around even if he found someone else, which I truly wish he would. Someone loves me so much, he always tells me how much he misses me and I feel the same way. He is supportive and encouraging and guiding. He makes me giggle and I do the same with him. We know each other's moods and we both get some bad ones, but can calm each other down. I don't want to marry ever again, but it's nice to have someone on my side instead of jabbing it. Sorry if this is a bit rambly. I am so confused as to what to do at this point and so unhappy that it's dragged out this long-I should have been gone 2-3 years ago, but it's hard with no outside support to make that decision.