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Autochron · 09-08-2004, 01:24 PM

OK. Here goes. Thought this forum might be the place for this. I'm undergoing some counseling for this issue, but this forum seems awesome and I thought I'd bounce this issue off you people, see what you said.

I'm a 24-year-old male that is scared of sex.

It seems that, at 24, I have the sociosexual instincts of a 12-year-old. I'm technically not a virgin (lost it 3 years ago with the only person I've ever dated... I got away with that because we met through the Internet, she made all the first moves, I wasn't physically attracted to her, and we eventually broke up half a year later) but pretty close. I would never think to let someone know that I was sexually interested in them, ever. It just seems wrong to me.

Some of this, I think, comes from my background (what they call an "abuse history"), some from being painfully shy and not having peers with whom I could discuss sex (or even hear about it -- I got my sexual knowledge from medical books, and later porn), some of it from a persistent anxiety disorder.

The main issue is as follows:

If I feel or think so-called "dirty" things regarding someone of the female persuasion, and she happens to pick up on that (through conversational clues or whatever), I seem to feel that it would disgust her, and she would no longer want anything to do with me. In fact, _I_ disgust me when I feel or think these things.

Intellectually, I know this is bullshit, but it still feels very real to me. I do realize that if I'm attracted to someone, sexual thoughts and feelings are just part of the package -- but that doesn't mean I have to accept it.

Unfortunately, it seems to interfere with my ability to get a date

, as I don't want to let on that I'm attracted to someone. So I end up feeling very lonely and depressed, to the point of attempting suicide 3 and a half years ago, although I won't do _that_ ever again.

As I said, I've been in counseling for more than a couple of years about it, and my counselor is considering recommending me for sex therapy, although out of the rubric of couple therapy I'm not sure what can usefully be done.

Just wanted to see how you people would respond to this. Thank Kibo for the Internet, where anonymity is (largely) preserved.

I just happen to like talking about this 'cause it feels like I'm doing something about it

Thanks for reading!

09-08-2004, 01:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
Autochron Upright Location: ... sorry, no answer here.	sexual anxiety (long) OK. Here goes. Thought this forum might be the place for this. I'm undergoing some counseling for this issue, but this forum seems awesome and I thought I'd bounce this issue off you people, see what you said. I'm a 24-year-old male that is scared of sex. It seems that, at 24, I have the sociosexual instincts of a 12-year-old. I'm technically not a virgin (lost it 3 years ago with the only person I've ever dated... I got away with that because we met through the Internet, she made all the first moves, I wasn't physically attracted to her, and we eventually broke up half a year later) but pretty close. I would never think to let someone know that I was sexually interested in them, ever. It just seems wrong to me. Some of this, I think, comes from my background (what they call an "abuse history"), some from being painfully shy and not having peers with whom I could discuss sex (or even hear about it -- I got my sexual knowledge from medical books, and later porn), some of it from a persistent anxiety disorder. The main issue is as follows: If I feel or think so-called "dirty" things regarding someone of the female persuasion, and she happens to pick up on that (through conversational clues or whatever), I seem to feel that it would disgust her, and she would no longer want anything to do with me. In fact, _I_ disgust me when I feel or think these things. Intellectually, I know this is bullshit, but it still feels very real to me. I do realize that if I'm attracted to someone, sexual thoughts and feelings are just part of the package -- but that doesn't mean I have to accept it. Unfortunately, it seems to interfere with my ability to get a date , as I don't want to let on that I'm attracted to someone. So I end up feeling very lonely and depressed, to the point of attempting suicide 3 and a half years ago, although I won't do _that_ ever again. As I said, I've been in counseling for more than a couple of years about it, and my counselor is considering recommending me for sex therapy, although out of the rubric of couple therapy I'm not sure what can usefully be done. Just wanted to see how you people would respond to this. Thank Kibo for the Internet, where anonymity is (largely) preserved. I just happen to like talking about this 'cause it feels like I'm doing something about it Thanks for reading! __________________ I've been given the mushroom treatment -- kept in the dark and fed sh*t.