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lurkette · 09-07-2004, 11:30 AM

We've been to the brink a couple of times, and the bottom line was that both of us still wanted to be with each other. We loved each other, we just had started taking a lot of things for granted and, yup, stopped communicating about things. Basically, what keeps us together is that we have promised to do whatever it takes to make it work. That means giving up being right all the time, making some compromises, being creative to find a way that makes things work for both of us, and constant, intimate communication. Every time we've been to the "do I really want to be here" place, we always come back stronger than ever, but it's because we love each other enough to do the things it takes to stay together and be happy.

If you can't find a way to do this on your own, that's what marriage counselors are for, and they're a lot cheaper and less painful than a divorce. Don't give up if you still love each other.

BTW, the 4-year point in any relationship is kind of a risk period. Evolutionarily speaking, 4 years is about the amount of time it takes to raise a child to relative self-sufficiency (they're weaned, can forage for food, walk on their own, etc.) so that 2 parents are no longer required to feed everyone. Forget about the 7-year-itch, 4 years in was the roughest time we've ever had. We've been together for about 13 years now.

09-07-2004, 11:30 AM	#11 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	We've been to the brink a couple of times, and the bottom line was that both of us still wanted to be with each other. We loved each other, we just had started taking a lot of things for granted and, yup, stopped communicating about things. Basically, what keeps us together is that we have promised to do whatever it takes to make it work. That means giving up being right all the time, making some compromises, being creative to find a way that makes things work for both of us, and constant, intimate communication. Every time we've been to the "do I really want to be here" place, we always come back stronger than ever, but it's because we love each other enough to do the things it takes to stay together and be happy. If you can't find a way to do this on your own, that's what marriage counselors are for, and they're a lot cheaper and less painful than a divorce. Don't give up if you still love each other. BTW, the 4-year point in any relationship is kind of a risk period. Evolutionarily speaking, 4 years is about the amount of time it takes to raise a child to relative self-sufficiency (they're weaned, can forage for food, walk on their own, etc.) so that 2 parents are no longer required to feed everyone. Forget about the 7-year-itch, 4 years in was the roughest time we've ever had. We've been together for about 13 years now. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France Last edited by lurkette; 09-07-2004 at 11:33 AM..