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klep · 09-06-2004, 01:22 PM

hello.

i'm in some serious relationship help as i've not a clue as to what to do. PLease help. This is the story.

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and a couple of months. We've been together since we were 15. We're both off to uni in 2 weeks. I'm going about as south easterly in england as is possible. She'll be going north a bit from where we already live. I'll be far closer to france than i will be to her. We're atleast a 5 hour train journey away (with quite a few changes). She's also doing an art course which can be quite intensive.

Recently she's told me she doesn't know how she feels about me anymore. she says she's confused about our relationship. She says alot of the time nowadays she doesn't really fancy me, and thinks of me as more of a friend and just wants to hang out. The rest of the time she feels just the same about me and wants things to be like they were before all this came about. She doesn't know why she is suddenly getting these feelings. One possible explanation she gave was that she has always been told the pill can mess with hormones. She says maybe it's messing with them and making her less horny (which she has been recently) which making her fancy me less and just leaving her feelings of friendship and whatever behind. she just wants to hug alot and cuddle and whatever. Be close and affectionate but no sex. Whereas before she would have come over to my house and we'd have lazed around on the bed, watched a movie or a few episodes, had sex a cpouple of times and chatted, now she wants to go out and do things like go to the cinema and the zoo and restaurants.

She wants to wait till we get to uni and see how she feels. She says she doesnt want to throw what we have away just because currently she's a little bit confused and unsure.

I had a very similar thing quite ahwile ago. I began thinking i didnt want to be with her when we went to uni. That i wanted a clean break. The reason? I'll be honest. My current girlfriend is my only girlfriend. I'm 18 and i was getting restless for other girls. I wanted to experience other girls and to not have ties to anyone. To have to visit anyone regularly or whatever. I told her about this but i worked through it and now i want to stay with her more than ever. I dont give a shit about other girls, all i want is her. I'm happy to do the 5 hour train ride to her uni evry 2 or 3 weeks.

I think that the reason she is seeing me more as a friend and acting with me more as a friend is because she is preparing to break up whilst at uni. She'll be going to a place where there's 1000s of new guys to talk to and, whilst this may sound like childish boasting on my part, the guys will be wanting to talk to her because she's incredibly attractive. Whilst i dont think she'd do anythigni with anyone whilst with me, i think the doubt she is having about us could be due to the possibility of meeting so many more people and because it is undeniably going to be hard work to kep the realtionship going.

She seems to think it will be harder work than i do. I think 1 phone call a week, a few chats over MSN a week and the odd email each week will be compltely doable and then a meet every 3 weeks or so but she thinks finding the time even for that will be hard.

Anyway. If anyone is still following this (you have the patience of a saint) i just want some advice. Any advice really. Anyone gone through a similar thing? Anyone have an insight in to what she may be feeling and why? Any idea what i should do? currently i'm just going with the flow, doing the things she wants (going to the zoo, own, restaurants etc). Just throw in your 2 cents.

Cheers.

Klep

PS, i feel very concious of the fact that being as i am 18 i will be quite young compared to some of the people here and will be open to responses of "highschool romance. in 2 weeks you wont remember her name" type replies. I'd just like to say that i feel that i do love this girl and i feel that after 3 years together, sharing your first times together and other feelings and thoughts you've shared with no one else, the "you're too young to know what love feels like" saying is totally untrue.

09-06-2004, 01:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
klep Upright Location: England	relationship help needed hello. i'm in some serious relationship help as i've not a clue as to what to do. PLease help. This is the story. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and a couple of months. We've been together since we were 15. We're both off to uni in 2 weeks. I'm going about as south easterly in england as is possible. She'll be going north a bit from where we already live. I'll be far closer to france than i will be to her. We're atleast a 5 hour train journey away (with quite a few changes). She's also doing an art course which can be quite intensive. Recently she's told me she doesn't know how she feels about me anymore. she says she's confused about our relationship. She says alot of the time nowadays she doesn't really fancy me, and thinks of me as more of a friend and just wants to hang out. The rest of the time she feels just the same about me and wants things to be like they were before all this came about. She doesn't know why she is suddenly getting these feelings. One possible explanation she gave was that she has always been told the pill can mess with hormones. She says maybe it's messing with them and making her less horny (which she has been recently) which making her fancy me less and just leaving her feelings of friendship and whatever behind. she just wants to hug alot and cuddle and whatever. Be close and affectionate but no sex. Whereas before she would have come over to my house and we'd have lazed around on the bed, watched a movie or a few episodes, had sex a cpouple of times and chatted, now she wants to go out and do things like go to the cinema and the zoo and restaurants. She wants to wait till we get to uni and see how she feels. She says she doesnt want to throw what we have away just because currently she's a little bit confused and unsure. I had a very similar thing quite ahwile ago. I began thinking i didnt want to be with her when we went to uni. That i wanted a clean break. The reason? I'll be honest. My current girlfriend is my only girlfriend. I'm 18 and i was getting restless for other girls. I wanted to experience other girls and to not have ties to anyone. To have to visit anyone regularly or whatever. I told her about this but i worked through it and now i want to stay with her more than ever. I dont give a shit about other girls, all i want is her. I'm happy to do the 5 hour train ride to her uni evry 2 or 3 weeks. I think that the reason she is seeing me more as a friend and acting with me more as a friend is because she is preparing to break up whilst at uni. She'll be going to a place where there's 1000s of new guys to talk to and, whilst this may sound like childish boasting on my part, the guys will be wanting to talk to her because she's incredibly attractive. Whilst i dont think she'd do anythigni with anyone whilst with me, i think the doubt she is having about us could be due to the possibility of meeting so many more people and because it is undeniably going to be hard work to kep the realtionship going. She seems to think it will be harder work than i do. I think 1 phone call a week, a few chats over MSN a week and the odd email each week will be compltely doable and then a meet every 3 weeks or so but she thinks finding the time even for that will be hard. Anyway. If anyone is still following this (you have the patience of a saint) i just want some advice. Any advice really. Anyone gone through a similar thing? Anyone have an insight in to what she may be feeling and why? Any idea what i should do? currently i'm just going with the flow, doing the things she wants (going to the zoo, own, restaurants etc). Just throw in your 2 cents. Cheers. Klep PS, i feel very concious of the fact that being as i am 18 i will be quite young compared to some of the people here and will be open to responses of "highschool romance. in 2 weeks you wont remember her name" type replies. I'd just like to say that i feel that i do love this girl and i feel that after 3 years together, sharing your first times together and other feelings and thoughts you've shared with no one else, the "you're too young to know what love feels like" saying is totally untrue.