ok....more two cents...my other two cents got interupted with a call to the bedroom ha ha
I went off on the humiliation thing before, and I was lying in the bed afterwards and it hit me that the kind of humiliation you were talking about, just might not be the same as what I was.
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My question is: Why have I waited for so long to have this 24/7-ish experience of dom/sub, and then chickened out? And my second question is: How can I cure myself of my insecurities so I can do as I'm told whenever it's demanded of me?
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Nothing you said sounds like "chickening" out to me....as has been stated by myself and others...you have to find your limits.....and that is going to take time...communication, as in every kind of relationship, is VERY important with a BDSM one. There are things that happened with other partners of mine that dont happen with Dave, because we all have differences in our wants and expectations.
Im only quoting the first part of this because its long, you can find the rest here...
http://www.leathernroses.com/general...munication.htm
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Communication is one of the most important aspects of a d/s relationship. It can be considered the most important aspect. Without communication, any relationship will not last very long.
Communication affects a relationship in many ways. Firstly, it allows the participants to grow closer to one another through sharing their thoughts and feelings. For many people having a close mental and emotional bond with their partner is an important part of their relationship. Without effective communication, that bond can not be created.
Secondly, it allows each person to learn more about the other person. In a d/s relationship that is very important for both a dominant or a submissive. A submissive can't meet the needs of the dominant unless he/she knows what those needs are, and what makes the dominant happiest. A dominant can not make informed choices for the submissive's best interests, if the dominant does not know the submissive's desires and likes or dislikes.
Communication breeds trust in the relationship. The better you get to know someone, the more you either trust or distrust them. Without communication, trust can not grow and a d/s relationship relies on trust to be satisfying.
Many are confused as to what is true communication and what is not. Barking out orders and expecting total obedience in return, is a form of communication, but it is not the communication that builds the relationship. When we talk about communication in a d/s relationship, we are discussing the ability of the participants to talk to one another. Conversations about mundane things, emotions, problems, concerns, and anything else, is communication. In a relationship, the ability to talk to one another is of utmost importance to keeping the relationship alive.
How does one communicate effectively in a d/s relationship? This differs for everyone, but some of the basics of effective communication apply to every relationship. First you have to be able to talk. To place your thoughts or feelings into words, then express those words to your partner. Second, and the hardest part of communication, you have to know how to listen. By that I mean, really listen. Not pretend to listen, or hear only bits and pieces, then finish the sentence for the speaker. You have to be able to calmly listen to what your partner is saying, and actually hear it.
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Changes in your insecurities will come as the relationship develops and you BOTH learn how to handle the control/non control. The person in control can be, for lack of a better term, power hungry in the beginning and not always think clearly about how the wants affect the submissive.
USE that site I mentioned earlier, there is a wealth of information there...such as responsibilities of the master to the slave...sample contracts, the roles of master and slave etc.
I just cannot stress enuff the need for you two to COMMUNICATE, if there are sex acts that you find "humiliating" then find ways for the two of you to work on that until you are NOT humiliated anymore.
I was so embarrased the first time I got restrained and flogged....but now there are days I sit at work and CRAVE it...and I will find ways to "egg" Dave on to ensure that I get a good flogging when I get home...(the first dom I ever had told me I would never be anything but a bratty sub because Im SO strongwilled and dominant). To me there is not a lot in the world more satisfying that the sex that follows a flogging session hehe