To add my two cents....there are varying degrees of the sub/dom relationship...it DOES NOT HAVE TO INCLUDE HUMILIATION.
Dave and I live this lifestyle in a unique way...out of the bedroom Im the dominant one and in the bedroom HE is the dominant one.
As a couple the two of you have to do what works for you and what is comfortable....there are guidelines you can go by..but in the end it you're not comfortable with it, there is no point to it.
Dave and I were like this before we met, with different people and were both of the belief that humilation in our cases was quite pointless and the meaning to us was NOT belittle, demean, or emabarrass the other person.
I am SO dominant in all aspects of my life...the pleasure of being the submissive "in the bedroom" is SO fulfilling I cant even begin to explain completely. To give sexual control to the man I love, to show him the trust that he deserves in all aspects of our sexuality...our play includes bondage, knife (and other sharp objects) play, and choking, all incorporated into the sexual acts themselves.
I know the "die" hard BDSM crowd will say its not the same...but thats their OPINION, they dont live with us...they dont see how we handle our day to day lives...god I could write a book and what we do and how we do it. Yes its a lifestyle, but that doesnt mean that we all do it the same way.
BDSM for us is about love and trust first and foremost....the willingness to submit comes with the implicit trust you have in your partner and love drives your obidience or control. I KNOW without any doubt that Dave will never do anything at all to hurt or humilate me and he knows the same with me.
We were at his sisters last nite and were showing her our new tat's (which for those of you that havent seen my thread in the portraits forum they are the BDSM emblem) and trying to explain it to her. The first words out of her mouth were...so do you make him crawl around on all fours around the house and bark like a dog and wait on you. Unfortunately THAT is an all to common image that vanilla's have of our lifestyle. I would NEVER humilate him that way. We have our discipline ways when he either forgets to do something (which is very few and far between, because he's THAT good) or I'm being a "bratty" sub in the bedroom, that do not entail humiliation because its not for us. It works for other people, but I have NO desire to degrade the love of my life.
Here is a website that I use for reading references sometimes that I've found to have very informative links that you might check out when you get time
http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm
and if you would like to talk about anything in private feel free to PM me anytime!!
Good luck in your chosen way...just take the time to go at a pace that is comfortable...you cant learn it all in a day.
