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cmc · 09-06-2004, 06:49 AM

I experienced the same thing, 11 years ago. My ex would go insane with any advancement in my life. I finally came to the conclusion that I had to ask myself a VIP question: 'What am I teaching my 2 kids by being scared of their mother ?'
After much soul searching, I decided that I HAD to live my life, be happy and act like an adult with their mom. Otherwise, 10 years later, when they got out of high school, they would likely be forgiving of their mom's 'insane' times, and have no respect for me. I would in essence, teach them that I saw myself powerless and a victim. Not my vision of my role in their lives. I decided that I HAD to stand up to my ex's insane demands ( which, in my case were only idle, infant cries for help, such as 'I'll sue you. I'm going back to court on visitation, etc.) I also decided, very early ( IE the EARLIER the Better) that I was NEVER going to be 'visiting' my kids. I worked hard to create a 'shared custody' agreement, and vowed to live in jail rather than pay my ex $ to not be my legal spouse ! < read, no 'alimony' - some reasonable 'child support' but no alimony'. ) Ultimately - with shared custody, the child support formula came out fair, not that my ex ever admited that, as she finally got off her duff and got a job teaching, and moved on in her life. Message to my kids (now 18 & 15) ---

# 1.) Our Dad is not afraid of mom, courts or anything, and neither should we be !
# 2.) It's Ok to live a life of happiness, Dad did and does !
# 3.) We will not pick looser types for boyfriends, because Dad SHOWED us we did not have to sign up for psycho relationships.
# 4.) Mom - grew up and has her own life, and her longtime critisims of Dad are simply untrue, we know him and respect him all the more for both Living his life and Being nice to Mom - even when she did not deserve it. and
# 5.) Mom & Dad both have great strengths and weaknesses, and we get to not have to 'choose' which one we love, we get to love them both.

Years later my ex said, peacefully, 'looking back, I'm glad we got divorced, it wasn't working for me either. < I thought I'd NEVER hear her say that ! Not that is a miracle !

Good luck. In summary - live the life that You want, because you deserve it, your kids will automatically copy you, and your ex will grow up and quick trying to control you the Instant you can say ' this is my Life and I get to live it and enjoy it !' !

God's speed !

09-06-2004, 06:49 AM	#3 (permalink)
cmc Crazy Location: usa	I experienced the same thing, 11 years ago. My ex would go insane with any advancement in my life. I finally came to the conclusion that I had to ask myself a VIP question: 'What am I teaching my 2 kids by being scared of their mother ?' After much soul searching, I decided that I HAD to live my life, be happy and act like an adult with their mom. Otherwise, 10 years later, when they got out of high school, they would likely be forgiving of their mom's 'insane' times, and have no respect for me. I would in essence, teach them that I saw myself powerless and a victim. Not my vision of my role in their lives. I decided that I HAD to stand up to my ex's insane demands ( which, in my case were only idle, infant cries for help, such as 'I'll sue you. I'm going back to court on visitation, etc.) I also decided, very early ( IE the EARLIER the Better) that I was NEVER going to be 'visiting' my kids. I worked hard to create a 'shared custody' agreement, and vowed to live in jail rather than pay my ex $ to not be my legal spouse ! < read, no 'alimony' - some reasonable 'child support' but no alimony'. ) Ultimately - with shared custody, the child support formula came out fair, not that my ex ever admited that, as she finally got off her duff and got a job teaching, and moved on in her life. Message to my kids (now 18 & 15) --- # 1.) Our Dad is not afraid of mom, courts or anything, and neither should we be ! # 2.) It's Ok to live a life of happiness, Dad did and does ! # 3.) We will not pick looser types for boyfriends, because Dad SHOWED us we did not have to sign up for psycho relationships. # 4.) Mom - grew up and has her own life, and her longtime critisims of Dad are simply untrue, we know him and respect him all the more for both Living his life and Being nice to Mom - even when she did not deserve it. and # 5.) Mom & Dad both have great strengths and weaknesses, and we get to not have to 'choose' which one we love, we get to love them both. Years later my ex said, peacefully, 'looking back, I'm glad we got divorced, it wasn't working for me either. < I thought I'd NEVER hear her say that ! Not that is a miracle ! Good luck. In summary - live the life that You want, because you deserve it, your kids will automatically copy you, and your ex will grow up and quick trying to control you the Instant you can say ' this is my Life and I get to live it and enjoy it !' ! God's speed !