wallaby72

Hi Everyone,
Excuse the long story here, just looking for some advice from others who have been through this.......

I seem to be stuck in a perpetual cycle of solitude since breaking with my ex-wife about 4 years ago. I have a six year old daughter who lives with my ex and means the absolute world to me.
Twice now I have found a new partner and struck up a relationship, only to break-up the relationship when my ex turns into a psycho bitch and starts threatening all sorts of things like cutting back my access to my daughter. My ex feels threatened by any new person in my life and gets jealous and crazy, particularly now that she is single herself after having a long-term boyfriend (hypocritical? yes)
I now feel like I am unable to move on, since I don't want to put anyone else through this, but don't know how to address the heart of the problem (the ex) without getting some legal advice and playing hard-ball. She is completely unreasonable and won't talk to me any more.
Any advice from other single parents out there?

Derwood

Not a single parent, but I assume that your visitation rights are laid out in black and white as per the divorce papers, so she can't legally limit your access to your daughter. If not, I'm not sure what to say.

__________________
"You can't shoot a country until it becomes a democracy." - Willravel

cmc

I experienced the same thing, 11 years ago. My ex would go insane with any advancement in my life. I finally came to the conclusion that I had to ask myself a VIP question: 'What am I teaching my 2 kids by being scared of their mother ?'
After much soul searching, I decided that I HAD to live my life, be happy and act like an adult with their mom. Otherwise, 10 years later, when they got out of high school, they would likely be forgiving of their mom's 'insane' times, and have no respect for me. I would in essence, teach them that I saw myself powerless and a victim. Not my vision of my role in their lives. I decided that I HAD to stand up to my ex's insane demands ( which, in my case were only idle, infant cries for help, such as 'I'll sue you. I'm going back to court on visitation, etc.) I also decided, very early ( IE the EARLIER the Better) that I was NEVER going to be 'visiting' my kids. I worked hard to create a 'shared custody' agreement, and vowed to live in jail rather than pay my ex $ to not be my legal spouse ! < read, no 'alimony' - some reasonable 'child support' but no alimony'. ) Ultimately - with shared custody, the child support formula came out fair, not that my ex ever admited that, as she finally got off her duff and got a job teaching, and moved on in her life. Message to my kids (now 18 & 15) ---

# 1.) Our Dad is not afraid of mom, courts or anything, and neither should we be !
# 2.) It's Ok to live a life of happiness, Dad did and does !
# 3.) We will not pick looser types for boyfriends, because Dad SHOWED us we did not have to sign up for psycho relationships.
# 4.) Mom - grew up and has her own life, and her longtime critisims of Dad are simply untrue, we know him and respect him all the more for both Living his life and Being nice to Mom - even when she did not deserve it. and
# 5.) Mom & Dad both have great strengths and weaknesses, and we get to not have to 'choose' which one we love, we get to love them both.

Years later my ex said, peacefully, 'looking back, I'm glad we got divorced, it wasn't working for me either. < I thought I'd NEVER hear her say that ! Not that is a miracle !

Good luck. In summary - live the life that You want, because you deserve it, your kids will automatically copy you, and your ex will grow up and quick trying to control you the Instant you can say ' this is my Life and I get to live it and enjoy it !' !

God's speed !

wallaby72

Thanks CMC. Advice very much appreciated. Sounds like I'm living through exactly the same thing and I just hope I can turn it around as well as you did.
This was certainly the wake-up call I needed. Now its time to act!

Thanks again.