la petite moi

Okay, so nwlinkvxd asked me to post this question to everyone, so here goes:

For as long as I've been sexually active, I've had fantasies about being completely submissive to my partner (which, subsequently, is now nwlinkvxd, who I want to marry). Anyway, I wanted to be completely his- a calm listener who does as she's told. Now, we've tried these roles for the last couple weeks. (However, he's been 3 1/2 hours away for about 9 of those days.) He's told me what to wear, sometimes he's told me what to do to myself, and I've asked permission for certain things. When he came home, I did mostly everything he wanted- sexually (ie- him taking me to an area where anyone could see us at a given point while I'm wearing a new vibrator toy he got me, making me to suck him, and then making me take my pants down to take it in the ass) or otherwise.

Then, last night, we tried something a little heavier. He used saran wrap to completely wrap me up, taking me, spanking me and making me suck him. He later did this to me while in a chair, and after realising that with the chair sitting upright he couldn't access any of my holes, he basically pushed the chair and my ass into the air, with my face shoved right into the carpet (painful). At this point, I was completely humiliated (he was fucking me in the ass, pushing air into my vagina, which resulted in several loud queefs- very embarassing to me).

I knew humiliation was part of our roles. When I let him know I was mortified, he stopped and unwrapped me. I felt so bad for not being able to do what he wanted, and on top of that, I didn't comply to another demand right after him unwrapping me.

My question is: Why have I waited for so long to have this 24/7-ish experience of dom/sub, and then chickened out? And my second question is: How can I cure myself of my insecurities so I can do as I'm told whenever it's demanded of me?