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Crazy Behaviour,,
Hi my name is Ian and i am new to this Forum.
This is serious so i would be grateful to anyone who will read it all.
I came to find help as i have had too many years of terrible thoughts and ideas about whoever has annoyed me. I become that green eyes monster who just wants to hurt and hate.
Example:
This week, my girlfriend didnt call me when she said she would. She was out with friends and simply forgot. My response was to turn my phone off after some nasty messages to her, then go for a day out with a friend who she doesnt think much of,and not speak to her all day, and finally i became explosive and nasty because i felt rejected she didnt want me to be at her party that night! (who can blame her too).I ended the relationship which caused her to cry for 2 days, and then i go over and try to explain i have to do something about my problem. She was not to blame in any way for this and i blamed myself,, however its just another episode for her and i have probably had my last chance. This i accept.
Most times i think in my mind of the voilence i want to happen and also to erase any logical reason about anything.. I cannot control my tepmer in any way whatso ever once i have lost it.
I have booked an meeting at my doctors for this wednesday as it is clearly spinning out of control. I wonder if i have some sort of disorder, or that i am possibly Schizophrenic.
The very next day,sometimes just a few hours later, i regret what i have said and explain it all. I blame myself totally and i do recognise i have a problem.
The other times apart from this i am the most loving caring person in the whole wide world, and would help anyone i can..but it takes almost nothing for me to change and become seriously aggressive and angry.
This will usually last for a day or so.
I have a slight nervous twitch and also Involuntary movements
which i was born with after a sugar deficiency at 1 week old. It is a rare codition called Gilles de la Tourette.
I am seriously worried now and i believe i have peaked my 'beserk limit' and i will probably loose everything i have eventually.
Please please does anyone have any ideas or advise. I am at my lowest, ever.
Thank so much you for reading.
Ian
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