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guthmund · 08-29-2004, 11:01 AM

I think there is a magic age in between too young and too old where it affects you the most.

Too young and they don't seem to remember it. Too old and they just don't seem to care.

I was 10 when my parents got divorced. I remember the screaming matches, the shit flying thorugh the air and the animosity that seemed to hang in the air. Sometimes it was so palpable you could feel it pressing into you.

Personally, I wasn't affected much by the screaming even when they used to drag me and my sister from bed to affirm some claim; like they were keeping score. No, I think what affected me most was the relationship afterwards.

My father was a bitter, bitter man after the divorce. He didn't have any money (It's not like Mom took it all, there just wasn't much anyway). It never seemed to take much for my old man to flip out. I was always my mother's son (that was always an easy topic to fight about) and when they divorced I think he transferred a lot of that animosity to me.

Later on Dad found a gal, was promoted and started making more money and that seemed to make him happier. Mom on the other hand, thorugh a series of remarkably lazy men, settled on the laziest of the bunch who proceeded to bleed the family dry both mentally and more important financially. My father refused to give any extra money and paid as little child support as he could get away with because he refused to support my lazy ass step-father. What Dad didn't realize was that it didn't work. He found ways to support his lifestyle and in the end, it was my sister and I who ended up suffering.

For a long long time I was very angry. At everybody. Thankfully I've managed to let go of most of the anger and have mangaged to have a psuedo-relationship with my father. I think he's changed a lot in the last decade mostly for the better. Too bad the impression had already been made.

I'm reticent to get into any serious relationship. I have a hard time trusting anybody implicitly and always always keep a few of my cards close to my vest. For me marriage is just a slip of paper that signifies nothing and I just can't see myself getting married to anyone. I've loved a lot of women, even lived with a few, but I just can't see myself being put in that position.

Someday I would like to have kids, but my biggest fear would be the possibility of putting my kids what I went through. It just doesn't seem worth it to me.

08-29-2004, 11:01 AM	#13 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	I think there is a magic age in between too young and too old where it affects you the most. Too young and they don't seem to remember it. Too old and they just don't seem to care. I was 10 when my parents got divorced. I remember the screaming matches, the shit flying thorugh the air and the animosity that seemed to hang in the air. Sometimes it was so palpable you could feel it pressing into you. Personally, I wasn't affected much by the screaming even when they used to drag me and my sister from bed to affirm some claim; like they were keeping score. No, I think what affected me most was the relationship afterwards. My father was a bitter, bitter man after the divorce. He didn't have any money (It's not like Mom took it all, there just wasn't much anyway). It never seemed to take much for my old man to flip out. I was always my mother's son (that was always an easy topic to fight about) and when they divorced I think he transferred a lot of that animosity to me. Later on Dad found a gal, was promoted and started making more money and that seemed to make him happier. Mom on the other hand, thorugh a series of remarkably lazy men, settled on the laziest of the bunch who proceeded to bleed the family dry both mentally and more important financially. My father refused to give any extra money and paid as little child support as he could get away with because he refused to support my lazy ass step-father. What Dad didn't realize was that it didn't work. He found ways to support his lifestyle and in the end, it was my sister and I who ended up suffering. For a long long time I was very angry. At everybody. Thankfully I've managed to let go of most of the anger and have mangaged to have a psuedo-relationship with my father. I think he's changed a lot in the last decade mostly for the better. Too bad the impression had already been made. I'm reticent to get into any serious relationship. I have a hard time trusting anybody implicitly and always always keep a few of my cards close to my vest. For me marriage is just a slip of paper that signifies nothing and I just can't see myself getting married to anyone. I've loved a lot of women, even lived with a few, but I just can't see myself being put in that position. Someday I would like to have kids, but my biggest fear would be the possibility of putting my kids what I went through. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.