That certainly sounds like quite a severe depression. Are you seeing somebody professionally about it? If not, I would strongly reccommend it.
Things seem bleak to you right now. But when people are depressed, it is very hard to see outside the depression. It is even hard to remember times when you were not depressed; as if you were looking at the world through depression-tinted lenses. But there IS a way out, and you CAN get help.
I know I may not have answered your question: truth be told I don't have an answer for it, but I do know that things CAN change, even if you cannot see that now.
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