Quote:
Originally posted by Jennteel
Love can make you do stupid things.... I am at the point of tossing away all hopes of being happy and loved. But I don't want to feel this big empty hole in my heart either.
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Love doesn't make you do stupid things,
fear makes you do stupid things. It sounds like the fear of being lonely, feeling unloved, feeling worthless, makes you keep taking this guy back because you think "I won't find anything better than this."
Or perhaps you are punishing yourself for something by staying with this completely unsuitable guy who pushes you around and belittles you. This does not sound like love - it sounds like a way for you to keep being a victim and a martyr. I know this sounds harsh, but why otherwise would you keep taking him back when it's clear that he's not good for you? You say "love," and I say bull. No sooner is he out the door than you start having second thoughts. You say you don't want to live with this "big empty hole in my heart." That hole is where your love for YOU should live, and YOU need to fill it. Nobody else can fill it for you, and nobody else can make you happy, least of all a man who despises your children and clearly has nothing but contempt for you.
Do what you have to to get away and KEEP away from this man. Join a support group for abused partners, take on a roommate to help pay the bills, whatever. And don't just jump into another relationship to try to fill the hole, because I promise you every relationship you have will be unsatisfying if you don't love yourself - you will seek out the kind of people you think you deserve, and they will treat you no better than you think they should.