compression

My wife is not what you would call horny. In fact I dont think she even has a sex drive to speak of. Maybe its the birth control pills shes on, maybe its a low self image, or something else. As a male, I am always ready to go and often have to releive myself to keep from grinding my teeth out.
Anyway, We dont do it nearly enough and when we do, she often is like a sack of potatoes, just sitting there. She is pretty conservative when it comes to sex and stuff. We have experimented a little with a few tame stuff like toys, lubes, etc. but they always get put on the back shelf and collect dust.
How can I get her more excited about it and actually crave it? How do I get her more into it and energetic during the act? I have a friend who is a girl and she has do it once a day, or at least masturbate, I am jealous! She has a whole chest of fun things to play with. But she is just a friend of mine and I would never consider cheating on my wife. Thats just a way out for people who cant communicate with their spouses (as I am trying to do) and always leads to bad things.
I have tried the flowers, romantic evenings, etc, and it usually gets me some actions that night, sometimes not. How do I get her sex drive in full gear?
We have talked about videos, but she thinks most are too gross, at the stores she sees pictures of chicks with their A-holes gaping open juicy, and I agree it is sick. We have never seen one together, mayeb someone can recommend one? sort of a beginner video or something (but a little more than what is shown one HBO, etc).
Wheres the on switch, and how do I keep it from turning off?
thanks