I SO understand the urge for revenge. The principal at our high school when my brother was in junior high was a complete and total asshole, a preening, egotistical fop who got off on exercising power. He ingratiated himself with our small town's elite (the guys who owned banks and businesses), so when said elite's bratty children started beating up on my brother when he smarted off to them, it was my brother who got detention for provoking them. On top of my parent's divorce, his medical disability (he had a genetic condition that made him look different and be unable to sweat), this sort of thing, which happened all the time to him and other kids whose parents didn't run in the right circles, made my brother's life a living hell. I fantasized about calling the principal's wife anonymously and telling her I was having an affair with her husband. I thought about sending him laxative-laced brownies. I thought about making up allegations that he molested me. Every time I imagined up with some new scheme, I would get a momentary rush of satisfaction, and then I'd think about how this would sully my own conscience. I'd be satisfied for a little while at his degradation, but I'd have to live forever with the knowledge that I had sunk to his level, that I was no better than he was.
On the other hand, when my brother was hit by a car and died a year+ ago, people were encouraging us to sue. It was a freak accident, technically the driver's fault, and there were bills to pay, Josh's "legacy" to consider (lawsuit money would have set up a heck of a memorial fund), blah blah blah. My dad was angry as hell and just couldn't live with the thought that there was nobody to blame. He wanted somebody to pay. I just couldn't see it, though. It wasn't what my brother would have wanted, and I didn't want to ruin someone else's life over this. I talked my dad out of suing.
We had the name of the driver of the car from the police report, and I wrote him a letter telling him we didn't blame him, and wanted him to have a good life. I got the most beautiful letter back from the driver, who was the same age as my brother. (I wrote about it in this thread: <a href="http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=35213">
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=35213</a>) That letter means so much to me, and I feel like something positive was accomplished through my brother's death. Instead of the momentary satisfaction of holding someone responsible, I have a moment of human connection and compassion to hold on to for the rest of my life, and help me remember who my brother was, and who I am because of him.
Revenge may be sweet, but kindness is sweeter.