View Single Post
Old 07-27-2004, 10:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
lurkette
My future is coming on
 
lurkette's Avatar
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: east of the sun and west of the moon
I SO understand the urge for revenge. The principal at our high school when my brother was in junior high was a complete and total asshole, a preening, egotistical fop who got off on exercising power. He ingratiated himself with our small town's elite (the guys who owned banks and businesses), so when said elite's bratty children started beating up on my brother when he smarted off to them, it was my brother who got detention for provoking them. On top of my parent's divorce, his medical disability (he had a genetic condition that made him look different and be unable to sweat), this sort of thing, which happened all the time to him and other kids whose parents didn't run in the right circles, made my brother's life a living hell. I fantasized about calling the principal's wife anonymously and telling her I was having an affair with her husband. I thought about sending him laxative-laced brownies. I thought about making up allegations that he molested me. Every time I imagined up with some new scheme, I would get a momentary rush of satisfaction, and then I'd think about how this would sully my own conscience. I'd be satisfied for a little while at his degradation, but I'd have to live forever with the knowledge that I had sunk to his level, that I was no better than he was.

On the other hand, when my brother was hit by a car and died a year+ ago, people were encouraging us to sue. It was a freak accident, technically the driver's fault, and there were bills to pay, Josh's "legacy" to consider (lawsuit money would have set up a heck of a memorial fund), blah blah blah. My dad was angry as hell and just couldn't live with the thought that there was nobody to blame. He wanted somebody to pay. I just couldn't see it, though. It wasn't what my brother would have wanted, and I didn't want to ruin someone else's life over this. I talked my dad out of suing.

We had the name of the driver of the car from the police report, and I wrote him a letter telling him we didn't blame him, and wanted him to have a good life. I got the most beautiful letter back from the driver, who was the same age as my brother. (I wrote about it in this thread: <a href="http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=35213">http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=35213</a>) That letter means so much to me, and I feel like something positive was accomplished through my brother's death. Instead of the momentary satisfaction of holding someone responsible, I have a moment of human connection and compassion to hold on to for the rest of my life, and help me remember who my brother was, and who I am because of him.

Revenge may be sweet, but kindness is sweeter.
__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France
lurkette is offline  
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360