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Old 07-21-2004, 08:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
Weezil
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Location: Deep in Jersey
It's interesting, a couple of times now she's lamented on her blog about being "alone." And again has mentioned ex's in a "I'm still thinking about it but I don't want to actually talk about it" kind of way. Reading things she writes, I'd like to just scream at her "DAMMIT, GIRL! Look what's standing right in front of you; you don't have to be alone and deal with all of that crap anymore!" But then again, we haven't spoken so what's really the use?

Pinkie: aah, the old flowers routine... maybe if I knew where she worked. Then again, haven't had much luck with that move in the past, either


Trisk: I want to believe what you're saying, and the optimistic side of me is screaming your exact words at the other portion of my brain. However, that other part, a very large ogre-like creature, has yet to be swayed by what I hope is good old-fashioned reason.

I don't know about depression but there's definitely deep sadness and regret going on about a lot of things. This girl is complicated, indeed, but as my aunt commented once: "That's what attracts you; you really do like to try and figure them out, don't you?"

My best friend has been saying something to me that is soo profound but I can't, in all my self-doubt and self-depreciation, accept completely:

"You have nothing to be sorry for and you haven't done anything wrong. I've known you for a long time and you are a good person that's got so much going for him. It's been in her court now since the beginning. If she can't see that, or sees it but is still flaking out, then it's her malfunction."

Granted he could have said that I was being a pussed out loser, but he didn't and isn't the only one who has.

Reading the "alone" stuff just gets me aggravated and this morning I had the first twinge of thinking about just leaving this situation be and letting her off to her own devices. If something happened (or I did something...) and she either can't, won't, or doesn't want to be in contact with me, all the while being saddened by her situation which I may, in fact, be able to rectify by being a part of her life, then who needs it?

But I don't want to have to do that...
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