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Wow that is rough. I can really sympathize. Nothing is worse than having all these plans and being all excited and then to have the other person suddenly change them and say they aren't sure what they want anymore... I think if you feel like it is something you need to discuss with her then you two need to figure out a way to really communicate about this issue and figure out where you are at with this relationship.
This whole marriage in 4 years thing is a bit iffy to me. I don't understand why there has to be a timeframe on it. The fact that she says she wants to be married in 4 years but isn't sure that she wants to live with you is a warning flag to me. I don't know, I would just try and talk this out with her.
I hate the feeling of being in relationship limbo. I like to know whats going on. I want to know one way or another what is going on. If it's not working the person needs to know so they can begin to move on, if there are problems but you want to work them out then talk about it and get to working on them, if everything is going great and you want to progress you need to talk about that too. I think you just need to communicate and really have a good chat with her. Go see her for the weekend if you have to. Figure out why she is having these doubts and address them.
I really hope you can work things out with this girl. You two have been together for a long time. I hope it turns out well for you. Good luck...
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"That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy."
Lionel Hutz
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