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I was in a situation very very similar to you that is at the moment on the verge of ending and I have very little hope of saving it. My wife is the only woman I've ever been with, she had very similar attitudes toward sexuality as you're describing in your wife, many of them shaped because of issues from her past. She did not see sexuality as a necessary part of building intimacy in a relationship, she saw it as secondary and the only time when we should be intimate would be when everything else in the relationship was perfect or near perfect. This resulted in long periods between sex for us and in her turning me down over and over again. This caused me to begin closing down and to begin to lack desire for her sexually as a means to survive. We both have and still do love each other very much, but this conflict has brought us to the point where we are now in the process of divorce.
I see sex as one of the primary means of building that intimacy and one of the major ways that I feel love. She began to get over her negative view on sex toward the end but we still have not been able to figure things out (because of many of my mistakes). My relationship with my wife has been almost destroyed by very similar issues and one of my major mistakes in it was trying to suppress my feelings and not dealing with the problem early. I can tell you from experience that your need for sexual love and intimacy will not go away and it is not a wrong thing to want. I strongly urge you two to seek both a marriage councelor and a sexual councelor as soon as possible. My wife and I spent years talking about it on our own and we were never able to get things figured out. Do everything you can now to work through this issue, be honest, patient, and loving, but for the sake of your relationship you need to confront this issue.
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Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
-Unknown
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