Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Rlyss · 07-02-2004, 11:17 PM

People change. I'm sure he did think long and hard about and eventually came to the decision to move in with guinnessgurl. I'm not saying he's being totally fair by doing this, but I don't think everyone should jump in and rip out his throat.

I can't quite tell from your post if he's made the decision to move out or not, or if he's discussing it with you. For a board which stresses communication so much I find it shocking that so many people are ripping guinnessgurl's boyfriend to shreds for communicating his feelings and ambitions and hopes to her.

It sounds to me like he's partly reached some version of a mid-life crisis ('some version' because I don't know how old you guys are, but it's the only way I can think of to explain it), and wants to hang out with his friends and live a sort of college life.

And partly that he has goals to go to school and he can only realize these goals by moving in with his grandparents. Ask him what his plans are for when he finishes school. Don't interrogate the guy, but explain to him that you're not sure if his moving out is just a more 'gentle' way of breaking it off with you. For all we know he might turn around and say 'No! I didn't know you had that impression!' He might be gradually moving away from his life with you, or he may see this as a temporary relocation in order to better himself, and you as a couple in the future.

As for you being homeless, does he realize this? Is there anything stopping you from moving in with some friends, or finding a flatmate, or even (and this is stretching it) moving in with the grandparents? Maybe he hasn't even realized that you'd be homeless if he moved out. I know that can be met with "Well, he should realize! And he's an undeserving asshole if he doesn't!" But perhaps he's just really confused at the moment.

If he's moving in with his grandparents I think his real goals are to go to school and make ends meet without paying the cost of living in his own house. I can't imagine living with grandparents being a college-type party every night so I wouldn't be too worried about him clutching at youth.

Perhaps I'm just trying to look at the bright side of all this.

07-02-2004, 11:17 PM	#12 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	People change. I'm sure he did think long and hard about and eventually came to the decision to move in with guinnessgurl. I'm not saying he's being totally fair by doing this, but I don't think everyone should jump in and rip out his throat. I can't quite tell from your post if he's made the decision to move out or not, or if he's discussing it with you. For a board which stresses communication so much I find it shocking that so many people are ripping guinnessgurl's boyfriend to shreds for communicating his feelings and ambitions and hopes to her. It sounds to me like he's partly reached some version of a mid-life crisis ('some version' because I don't know how old you guys are, but it's the only way I can think of to explain it), and wants to hang out with his friends and live a sort of college life. And partly that he has goals to go to school and he can only realize these goals by moving in with his grandparents. Ask him what his plans are for when he finishes school. Don't interrogate the guy, but explain to him that you're not sure if his moving out is just a more 'gentle' way of breaking it off with you. For all we know he might turn around and say 'No! I didn't know you had that impression!' He might be gradually moving away from his life with you, or he may see this as a temporary relocation in order to better himself, and you as a couple in the future. As for you being homeless, does he realize this? Is there anything stopping you from moving in with some friends, or finding a flatmate, or even (and this is stretching it) moving in with the grandparents? Maybe he hasn't even realized that you'd be homeless if he moved out. I know that can be met with "Well, he should realize! And he's an undeserving asshole if he doesn't!" But perhaps he's just really confused at the moment. If he's moving in with his grandparents I think his real goals are to go to school and make ends meet without paying the cost of living in his own house. I can't imagine living with grandparents being a college-type party every night so I wouldn't be too worried about him clutching at youth. Perhaps I'm just trying to look at the bright side of all this.