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Rlyss · 06-18-2004, 07:12 PM

Hi everyone. A friend of mine wants to stay at my house for a few days and I don't want it to happen.

I still live at home, we've got a small house and five people are here. We have only one car and don't have much money to throw around. Even though my parents wouldn't relish the idea of someone staying here for an indefinite period of time, they wouldn't say no because they're good people.

My friend is going through a rough period - depression, university and parent issues. She can't afford to move out but she doesn't want to live at home. I often feel our friendship is one-sided and I really think her moving into my family's house, even for just a week, would be a very bad move. We would fight, it would cause strain on my family and our friendship, and economically my family really couldn't handle it for too long.

I've supported my friend a lot, I've given her advice ranging from 'Make the most of the free food at home, rise above it and stick it out until you can move out' to advising her to go to a counselor, course advisor, financial advisor at Student Services etc. It's basically like 'You can only help someone who wants to be helped', and it's not happening. I'm giving her solid, workable but she just wants to move in with me.

Financial and family cohesion reasons aside

a) I don't feel close enough to her for her to move into my family's house
b) I think if would just open her eyes she could see other, more viable options
c) if she moves in here for a week I don't think her parents are going to let her back in, then she's stuck
c) I <i>know</i> she hasn't got it as bad as she thinks she does at home.

I feel awfully selfish about this, but every part of me says that her moving in would be a very bad idea. How do I explain this? If I rattle off a dozen reasons why she can't, will that be worse than simply saying 'I think it would be a bad idea'? I'm very much the kind of person who will accept it if someone says no. No questions asked, I won't drill them for reasons because it's bad for everyone. But I seem to be alone in thinking like that.

Apologies for the super long thread, but it's been on my mind for a few days now and I really have to make a decision.

06-18-2004, 07:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	Friends staying for a week Hi everyone. A friend of mine wants to stay at my house for a few days and I don't want it to happen. I still live at home, we've got a small house and five people are here. We have only one car and don't have much money to throw around. Even though my parents wouldn't relish the idea of someone staying here for an indefinite period of time, they wouldn't say no because they're good people. My friend is going through a rough period - depression, university and parent issues. She can't afford to move out but she doesn't want to live at home. I often feel our friendship is one-sided and I really think her moving into my family's house, even for just a week, would be a very bad move. We would fight, it would cause strain on my family and our friendship, and economically my family really couldn't handle it for too long. I've supported my friend a lot, I've given her advice ranging from 'Make the most of the free food at home, rise above it and stick it out until you can move out' to advising her to go to a counselor, course advisor, financial advisor at Student Services etc. It's basically like 'You can only help someone who wants to be helped', and it's not happening. I'm giving her solid, workable but she just wants to move in with me. Financial and family cohesion reasons aside a) I don't feel close enough to her for her to move into my family's house b) I think if would just open her eyes she could see other, more viable options c) if she moves in here for a week I don't think her parents are going to let her back in, then she's stuck c) I <i>know</i> she hasn't got it as bad as she thinks she does at home. I feel awfully selfish about this, but every part of me says that her moving in would be a very bad idea. How do I explain this? If I rattle off a dozen reasons why she can't, will that be worse than simply saying 'I think it would be a bad idea'? I'm very much the kind of person who will accept it if someone says no. No questions asked, I won't drill them for reasons because it's bad for everyone. But I seem to be alone in thinking like that. Apologies for the super long thread, but it's been on my mind for a few days now and I really have to make a decision.