guinnessgurl

I don't really know where I'm going with this thread, but this has been bothering me for a couple of days now, and I just wanted to write about it all.

First off, I'd better give some background info, otherwise you'll all be lost. I grew up in a very religious family (my parents and brother are Jehovah's Witnesses). As recently as of this past October, I've been living on my own, trying to figure out what I want/need out of life (I left the church last February).

This time of year is really hard for me because all around me I see kids graduating, and I see their parents behind them all the way, proud as ever. I work in a photography store too, so I develop pictures of grad ceremonies and prom All the time! The reason this is all hard for me is because my own grad was such a horrible time for me. To begin with, my parents weren't even going to come to my commencements ceremony because my boyfriend was going to come (who isn't a Jehovah's Witness, and therefore my parents do not approve). At the last minute, he couldn't come, so my parents did end up coming. But my brother (who is only two years older and who I guess I'm fairly close to) and my nana and poppy weren't able to come. My parents had left their decision to the last minute and I wasn't able to get any extra tickets. So grad came and went (I didn't go to prom for a number of reasons, some of which were my own, some of which were because my parents wanted no involvement) and was basically a nonevent. You have to realize that since my boyfriend and I have been together (a year and a half now), my parents have disapproved and have basically told me, they don't want to support me in any aspect of my life (including grad, which occured during a time when everything was still very fresh).

The reason I feel so hurt by all this isn't because of my parents actions per se. I can understand where they're coming from. I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness, I understand their beliefs, and I can sympathize with how they must be feeling. But they didn't give my graduation any acknowledgement at all. And with my brother only being two years older, his own grad was such a recent memory that I couldn't help comparing the two. My brother was thrown a huge party in a rented hall where all our friends and relatives were invited. He received plenty of gifts (including a pool table from my parents) and was taken out for a special family dinner - the whole nine yards. Now in comparison, it feels like I didn't even graduate in my parents eyes.....no dinner, no nothing. As you would have it, I didn't actually receive a single gift from anybody (not that gifts are that important - its just the simply acknowlegement of it all) because a lot of my old friends had turned their backs on me when I left the church....

I don't even know why I'm making such a big deal out of this all, I guess I just feel like I've been let down. School in general was such a big hurdle for me compared to my brother's, that I just feel like I deserved something for getting through it. I guess you could just call it bad luck, but the way things worked out with moving (my dad got transferred) and moving again, by the time I'd graduated, I had gone to nine different schools (three high schools) which was very hard on me (on anyone it would have been hard). My brother on the other hand, went to four schools (that's just the way it worked out). So in my mind, graduation was quite the achievement for me and yet my parents (who were there through it all) did nothing for it....

So this time of year is tough. Its hard to see all that I've missed out on.....


*sigh*

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Don't go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail - George Eliot