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Dude, stop working yourself into such a nervous frenzy. Alot of this may be in your head. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discount your problems it's just that problems of this nature tend to snowball. Your wife probably does get upset when you try to discuss this stuff but TRY to just relax and regain some confidence. Try to put some romance back into your relationship (flowers and stuff are nice) but try just listening to her, pay attention to her, and Do Not try to Fix anything! Just Listen!
If you have been together for a while then you will discover that at times we tend to take each other for granted, try to let her know how much she is appreciated. After the first few years the straight up animal sex kind of wanes (not disappears, just backs off) which can send some of the male species into a headspin. If you need some pharmaceutical confidence in the beginning than I highly reccommend a combination of (I'm serious here) viagra and two narcotic painkillers ( it will give you stamina and staying power) until you regain your confidence.
Listen, remember how you felt when you first met your wife? The butterflies in your stomach, the excitement you felt when you saw her, the interest you showed in her? well try to find that again, who knows this could be a good thing for you and your wife, you just need to work through it. Just dump all the insecurities and accusations, you'll never get laid if you don't.
Good Luck
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Midway in the journey of our life I came to myself in a dark wood, for the straight way was lost.
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