dtappeiner

Ok....I can't win here. I am 34 yeears old and have been married for 10 years. I have always ejaculated quickly, no matter what I try. I know when I am going to ejaculate and I can stop (usually) but that doesn't really help becuase my wife gets frustrated when I stop. Our routine has become failry routine (unfortunately) but she still really turnes me on (which is great) and I feel so frustrated for the following reasons:

1. Because I can't usually control my orgasm
2. Because she doesn't orgasm
3. Routine!!

Ok, so here's the routine. I start by caressing her all over, teasing a little, ribbing my nails up and up an down her skin, her back, etc...then I tease her nipples and suck them...kissing her and her neck in between...I may be on top of her at this point just rubbing my cock againt her....she will usually reach down and stroke me...sometimes I even feel like I will cumm from this alone (and I have actually), but usually we keep going and if she let's me, I go down on her...she may in turn go down on me...I usually want to stay down on her until she cumms but she is always wanting to get me in her right away...we use condoms because she does not do well with the pill and I haven't gotten tid off yet!! Anyway, I will put the condom on and if I go non-stop I may last 2 minutes or so and then it's over. She hever cumms anymore and I am wondering what's up.

Why won't she let me eat her longer until she cumms. She has become failry conservative but she must be frustrated by not cumming?? I want to please her but I think she is more about getting it over with. Maybe because I always cumm too quickly?? I don't know if that makes sense because....

I went out and purchased some condoms with desensitizing lubricant and used those the other day...boy did they work...too well in fact. I got past the initial excitement and we screwed for at least 10 minutes, first missionary and then doggy...I was able to maintain my erection but I honestly could not feel much...well, while we are in doggy position...I see her kind of shake her head in frustration and I ask her what is wrong and she says "what's taking so long?" well...that was a deifnite mood killer of course..she obviously wasn't enjoing it much!! So, we talked and she said she felt like she wasn't turning me on , etc and that it never took me that long to cumm....I told her about the condoms and she felt better but I didn't!! Obviously she doesn't much enjoy the actual intercourse part.

Help, I am frustrated!! Is she cheating? Can she actually be happy not having an orgasm at all?

Frustated in CO

tisonlyi

kegel exercises, general fitness and breath control are your allies.

use the search function.

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"I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place." - Winston Churchill, 1937 --{ORLY?}--

Redgirl

Wow, man, that really sucks. I think it does sound like she's only doing the sex thing for you. She has probably given up on it ever being satisfying for her so she just tries to get it done with. Maybe she masturbates later when you're not around?

I do wonder why she won't let you go down on her longer? Personally I prefer orgasms from intercourse, so I don't like to cum that way, but if that's the ONLY way I could achieve orgasm then I would go for it! She must just be tired of the whole situation.

I think you guys are going to have to start waaaay back on an emotional level and try counseling. Let her get out all the frustration that way and start trying to rekindle the sex after that is taken care of. You can keep using those condoms, or I think cock-rings are supposed to help... I know there's something like that you can use. There are all kinds of ways to learn to please her, and you sound open to exploring them, but she has to be willing to try as well.

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

jayman2004

have you tried a condom? if so double bag it...you may not feel much and thats the idea but she will feel it believe me...

Huang_Gai

I think those "Her Pleasure" condoms are for reducing sensitivity and I also hear tell if you double bag you increase the chances of a break.

There are rings you can put on your wang that will tickle her in the process.

Prolonging sex is all in the mind, clenching muscles or tapping your wang are just going to slightly prolong it.

It's like Happy Gilmore, where he has to find a "Happy Place." Well, a good trick most guys use is finding a "Not Sexy Place." It's a subject, person, scene, whatever that will take your mind off whats going on downstairs. This is the emergency maneuver. Usually baseball... LOL

Yeah, and counseling or just talking to her without a 3rd party about it casually may provide a solution.. Good luck to you.

oneofmanymen

I know what your going through dude. When i was married I had a wife that always said that intercourse hurt her. So our sex life was close to nonexistant. When I would finally get to make love to her, I would come right away. Mostly out of the hey I am getting laid excitement. I wouldnt last hardly more than a few strokes. I think part of your problem is something your doing to yourself. You are thinking to much about not cumming. For me thats a sure fire way to cum fast. It seems that when you worry about it you think to much about how good it feels and bam ur done. Since my ex and I have divorced it is no longer a problem and I dont even think about it, and everything is fine. Boy let me tell you the first time I had a new lover.....it was awesome, there wasnt all my stress there, and we just went wild. I am not telling you to break up I promise, just dont worry about it so much when your making love....it seems to help alot.

oomm

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Everything works if you let it....

cas305

Try having her stimulate her clit with a vibrator during it. If she is using that during foreplay, then maybe she will start beating you to the "punch"!

ratbastid

Please don't. Increasing friction between two layers of latex is a bad idea, unless you like being called Daddy.

Yeah, that's the old joke: "think about baseball". But I've got a better one for you. Think about the Bangladeshi telephone system. Imagine telephones on the walls of huts connected to regional, manually operated switchboards, each connecting to one of a hundred or so central offices with its OWN manually-operated switchboard. It's enough to keep anybody's mind off their wang.

Oh, and please DON'T try tricks like desensitizing condoms without letting her know about it. Any change in how it usually goes, at this point, will be hard for everyone to handle.

I've found, after eight years of marriage, that emotional and communicational issues show up first in our sex life. If sex isn't going great, I've come to learn, there's something else going on that needs talking about.

So go TALK to her about this. Start with the sex and then just go whever the conversation goes.

Eugeni

Yeah, why don't you try again having let her know? she won't worry about you lasting so long and she'll be able to focus on the pleasure.

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titular

la petite moi

Vibrator. Use a vibrator. Try something new!!!!

And communication, like I offered in the Ladies forum.

pocon1

My wife will not come from straight sex. Oral is good, hands are good, toys are good. Sometimes, we will get in a good position and I will touch her clit while we make love, but otherwise she has her orgasms first and then I get mine.

Aladdin Sane

My wife has never had an orgasm from intercourse alone. She cums from oral and clit rubbing, but not fucking.
Has your wife ever had an orgasm while you are there? Maybe your wife doesn't let you lick her until she cums because she is a squirter and she is embarrassed by it.

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Eugeni

Good point Aladdin Sane, maybe you are lucky man with a squirter and you didn't know!

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titular

dtappeiner

Thanks for all of the great replies. I am just frustrated. Not sure about the squirting thing, but who knows. When we were younger, she was much less conservative and we used toys and had all kinds of un, but I have never really seen her orgasm. I have been with quite a few women and have not had this problem before...they have all had plenty of orgasms, whether by oral or intercourse and, either my wife has orgasms and they just aren't as loud and intense as the others, or she just hasn't had on at all. I am most worried that this will cause a division between us because I feel inadequate and sometimes I feel like I want to go outside the marriage and find a woman that I can please...I know that is weak but I feel very inadequate lately! It's not for lack of effort. I try to stimulate her with my fingers or with my tongue for as long as I can and I would stay down on her for hours if she would let me...just to get her off...but she is always wanting me to stop and enter her....don't know what to do. I have an average size penis (6"), good girth...I am definitely attractive and have no problem attracting women, so I don't think that she is turned off by me....I know the passion can fade over time as it has for both of us, but there must be something I can do. It's hard to talk to her because she always gets pissed if I bring up issues about sex and she says everything is fine...but can it really be fine if she never cumms? Part of me has thought about finding a guy locally to see if he could seduce her and get her off....but I am also scared that she would then have no reason to come back to me!! There must be some women out here that have had similar problems. Looking forward to any further suggestions.

maleficent

[QUOTE]Originally posted by dtappeiner
[B] Thanks for all of the great replies. I am just frustrated. Not sure about the squirting thing, but who knows. When we were younger, she was much less conservative and we used toys and had all kinds of un, but I have never really seen her orgasm.

All women are different. What worked for one woman doesn't necessarily work for other women.
It's disturbing that after 10 years of marriage, you honestly don't know whether or not your wife has had an orgasm or not. "Was it good for you?" is a horribly tacky question. You should be able to tell.
That division is already there.
Going outside the marriage is hardly a solution, especially if it's just for your ego.
Some women, have extremely sensitive clitorises, direct stimulation on it does not have the desired result. It's almost painful, not pleasurable.
It doesn't have to at all. And it's not all on your shoulders. You are a couple, it shouldn't be I - it should be WE
Is her having an orgasm about her, or about you? If she says it's fine, then are you after her orgasming to make you feel better about your performance?
Have you considered talking to a third party, a marriage counselor? Sounds like there's some other issues there and sex is just a part of it.
Oh Sweet Jesus -- I surely hope you were kidding - that's really a solution.
Sometimes, especially as a woman ages, orgasms don't come as easy as they did in their 20s. It's no reflection on their sexual partner, it's job stress, environment, family, other stuff that's hard to clear from the mind. Plus if she's getting pressure to have an orgasm, that makes it all the harder. Why do you think that some women fake? Would it make you feel better if she did that?

Communiucation is still a big problem for you two. If talking makes her uncomfortable and pisses her off, well, then, not to be insensitive, (aw screw it, I am insenstive) but maybe it's your approach. Write down what you want to say to her, get all your thoughts down. And make it about YOU -- not her. Tell her about how you feel, it's not selfish - -by getting your feelings out, you are not accusing her and not putting her on the defensive.

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Aladdin Sane

Dude, you just need to ask her if she has ever had an orgasm. Just ask her. Period. Don't let up til she starts talking to you about sex. Tell her you will accept anything she tells you about her sexuality. Make her feel safe and get her to talk to you. You might need a marriage councilor. If she won't go, you should go alone.

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

braindamage351

Actually, I found a technique that works pretty damn well.

You take a finger, and slide it back all the way into the ridged area of her vagina (very deep) without going to far. Then curl your finger up on the ridge in a "come hither" motion. It's almost a sure orgasm is you do it right, and it supposedly makes it easier for women to come from normal sex.

Slauncha Man

That's called the G-spot.

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-Slauncha

wallace1

Dude, stop working yourself into such a nervous frenzy. Alot of this may be in your head. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discount your problems it's just that problems of this nature tend to snowball. Your wife probably does get upset when you try to discuss this stuff but TRY to just relax and regain some confidence. Try to put some romance back into your relationship (flowers and stuff are nice) but try just listening to her, pay attention to her, and Do Not try to Fix anything! Just Listen!
If you have been together for a while then you will discover that at times we tend to take each other for granted, try to let her know how much she is appreciated. After the first few years the straight up animal sex kind of wanes (not disappears, just backs off) which can send some of the male species into a headspin. If you need some pharmaceutical confidence in the beginning than I highly reccommend a combination of (I'm serious here) viagra and two narcotic painkillers ( it will give you stamina and staying power) until you regain your confidence.
Listen, remember how you felt when you first met your wife? The butterflies in your stomach, the excitement you felt when you saw her, the interest you showed in her? well try to find that again, who knows this could be a good thing for you and your wife, you just need to work through it. Just dump all the insecurities and accusations, you'll never get laid if you don't.
Good Luck

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Midway in the journey of our life I came to myself in a dark wood, for the straight way was lost.

forehead

As someone who has survived this problem here are a few thing that I have tried and have had success at. dont get too excited about having sex.. yea I know ya need/want it but calm down this too shall pass. Secondly, unknow that muscle you use to stop peeing with, while at your place of work or at home on the couch practice excercise that muscle same thing as kagel... well it worked for me. good luck